Thanks for taking the time to give such a detailed reply, Susan! It’s given me some thoughts to chew over.

My world too feels like it has been rocked. And I’ve been questioning things and realising some of my belief patterns are skewiff (as you so descriptively put it). And my perception of what God is like is skewiff as well (I’m pretty sure).

To be honest, I am finding it hard to embrace what you wrote above (about God delighting in us) . Maybe because I’m struggling in another area at the moment. Knowing someone else has got there, gives me some hope though.

Lis, this has not always been my thoughts or perception of God. I wasn’t raised as a Christian or any type of faith/religion but God drew me to Himself when I was about 16 (the first time – then I went my own way – then he tapped me on the shoulder again) and I became involved in a CRC (Christian Revival Crusade – Pentecostal Church). SO my early years as a believer were very pentecostal. Theology and doctrine (the nature of God, nature of man) are not major points of most pentecostal churches. I believed that God had done His bit now the rest was up to me. Which is a form of legalism and works and whilst I would never have admitted to that in so many words, when you boil it down that is the belief.

I saw God as many things but most of my belief was about doing and having. The great things I could/should/would do for God, the great things He would do for us, etc. The focus was all wrong.

And thankfully, He showed me that He was more than that. However, I became broken, empty of myself before I could see it. It was through my shattered dreams, through my despair, that I was able to see how skewiff my whole belief pattern was. There was so much more to God than I ever thought!

So even though I would wish that no one had a prodigal child go rogue at age 13 it was the happening that made me question everything I believed about God and the nature of man. And the answers I found rocked my world. Whilst I am not thankful that my child went rogue, I am thankful for everything I learned and how my relationship with God deepened to a whole nother level.

Theology and doctrine answered my questions and showed me more of who God is. I learned more than ever to know God as Father. And as our relationship changed and I saw and experienced how He parented me (He is the ontological Father and I am His child) I can see how we can reflect that in our relationships with our children. My relationship with my children taught me to see God as father, to see Him as Parent. Not just God, Creator, redeemer, Lord, etc.

I see it now with my own grown children. They don’t need to ask my permission or get my approval for everything little decision they make. I taught them to think and they do. I actually delight in seeing them think through decisions, even make mistakes and learn from, etc. Of course this applies to living rightly. I enjoy seeing their expressions of creativity, thinking and individuality and growth. I believe God enjoys seeing us, as His children, in a similar way. Bearing in mind that I might reflect the father – He is not a reflection of me, rather we reflect Him.

Back in 2008 I wrote some more about this, if you’re interested: http://susanpriolo.com/delighting-in-our-children-as/

So no, I haven’t always believed this way but my journey as a parent and as a child of Our Father has shown me how much He delights in us as we delight in Him.

(Feel free to ask me to clarify or expand on anything, if you like.)