Oh Abba, you are so wise. It’s easy for me to say to you not to stress over it but you will anyway – because you care. And it is good for us to learn and keep learning- how do we speak, when do we speak , how much to say, etc.

I told a lot to my daughters about my past. In hindsight, I would not do that again. But of course, hindsight is 20/20 so what’s a mumma to do? Little bit by little bit… build your stories gradually.

Always remember that the story you tell is not always the tale that another person hears. Each person has so many filters in which to process information. Age, development, gender, environment, etc are only a few of the filters which they process the tales which we give them.

I’ve always been honest with my children but I am also slowly learning the art of timing and discretion. My honesty does not need to reveal all at once… but if they need to know, then the tale can be built upon as the years go by. I also still hold to the THINK principle- even when it comes to sharing about myself. It isn’t that I want to lie or portray something inaccurately, it’s that is may not be inspiring, necessary or kind. To what point do I share? For me, it comes back to glorifying the Lord. If He is glorified then I’ll share.

Then still, there are other things to private, too personal to be shared on the Internet… and at best only ever shared with a few people.

With regard to children… be honest but be careful. I know that some children, if and when a time of rebelliousness comes, can almost see themselves in competition with their parents. “Anything you can do, I can do better” type of thing. So, I would minimise the details as much as possible.

We don’t do ‘sleepovers’. Well, we do… the children’s friends are welcome to sleep over here but our kids don’t sleep over anyone else’s place. Yes, at times our children did not like our family rule. Tough luck. It’s our rule and we have reasons for it. No, it’s not parenting in fear, it’s protecting them and the other families. Was it easy for them to understand why we had this rule? Nope! We didn’t expect them to. Just to obey it. Later on, when they were/are older they may understand. They still may not understand until they are one day parents themselves.

As far as ministry goes… I don’t know. I an’t be of much help there. There is a lovely couple on the Internet that have openly blogged about every aspect of their marriage problems during adultery and reconciliation and even now, the struggles they face. They have a thriving ministry and God is using them for sure! But they have children… I don’t know, I really don’t know. All I can offer is that you prayerfully consider it with your husband and you both arrive at some conclusions and boundaries together.

In His Grace,
Susan

If so, how did you handle telling them about yourself? Your flaws and your life before they knew you.

I have some things in my past, and I don’t know how to handle it when children get older. I don’t want my children ever to do anything ‘just because’, but there are certain things we as a family do or don’t do with these events being the reason. There are issues I have, and my first child is too small to notice yet, but one day she will ask questions. Sometimes ‘strange’ things that she will probably think nothing of until she realises one day that it isn’t normal. A 3 year old will accept me being in bed all day once in awhile, but a 10 year old will be able to tell I’m not ill. Another thing is I use my experiences as a ministry to others, but I would hate for my child to find out something upsetting about me because one of their little friends overheard their mum and dad talking about me or something.

I’m of two schools of thought on how to handle it, and in fact I suppose in some ways it’s similar to the idea of introducing the birds and the bees. I could either let it just be part of life, and let them know what they’re old enough to know as the opportunity for discussion arises, or I could hide it and then sit down and have some big discussion when they’re of age.

I don’t know, and I suppose I’m worrying too early. It’s not something I can avoid and hide easily, nor do I want to, but I don’t want to give them more than they are ready for, I of all people understand the effect traumatic ideas and images can have on a child.