parenting

I Am A Good Mum

I know what it’s like to feel like a failure as a mother. Having a prodigal challenged every belief I had about God, man, myself, my husband, my educational and parenting philosophies. For too many years I felt like it was all my fault. If only I had done better, made fewer mistakes, been more attentive, prayed more, played more, laughed more or disciplined more then surely things would have turned out differently. Yeah?

rp_praying_woman_standing_on_her_knees-199x300.jpg

Nowadays I am confident about one thing.

I was a good mum. I did my best. I am a good mum and I’m still doing my best.
I didn’t choose for my child to go AWOL. I didn’t want it or work toward it. It happened anyway. But it’s not my fault. I worked hard to be the best mumma I could be. I devoted my time and energy to developing relationships with my kids, to educating them, to meeting their emotional, physical, spiritual needs. I focused on reaching their heart. I applied myself to creating a warm, loving atmosphere in the home. And I loved my husband, the kids dad.

Every fibre of my being screamed and rebelled against what was happening. Shattered dreams, not only for the beloved prodigal child but also for the other children who were affected. Regardless of my prayer, my cries, my despair and my hope – it still happened.

Sure I made mistakes. Show me a parent who doesn’t. Only God is a perfect parent but He is the Ultimate Parent. Every single person since the dawn of creation is only a parent, only a reflection of the Ultimate Parent. Every single parent is also imperfect.

I’ve felt shame and despair. I’ve been lonely.  I’ve listened to the voice that told me I was a total failure, that I should have done better, done more.

But that voice isn’t telling the truth. That voice lies. For I was a good mumma. I am a good mum. Even when one didn’t want to be mothered by me I was still a good mum. I fought for their heart in deed and in prayer. I grieve for the years we lost, the years I didn’t get to mother her. But I prayed and loved regardless. For His reasons, God gave these children, this particular child, to me (us) to raise and love and care for. He knew my heart and my desires. And no one could have mothered these children better than I did. It is not my fault. Oh what sweet relief to finally know this truth.

I love my children fiercely. I care for them, protect them, nurture them, encourage them and listen to them. I believe in them. More importantly I believe in a great God, an awesome God, who loves these babes even more than I do. Even though I’ve learned this truth through having a prodigal, I know it is applicable to many mothers, many parents who are in different situations yet have the same heart.

I did not fail. I am not a failure. It’s not my fault. God is in control still – always was and always will be.

God is good. All the time.

Disclaimer
This is a post written from the heart. It is not a doctrinal or theological discourse on parenting. This is a truth that I know is truth for me, for my heart condition at this time. Feel free to chew on it but spit out any bones.

Links I Like

links

  • Is Your Girl Drowning in Busyness? at TrueWoman
    How can we raise up the next generation of true women if they don’t have time to know God’s Word? How can we pass the baton to a group of girls who are too tired to finish the race? We can’t hope for our girls to value silence, stillness, and Sabbath if they never see us doing the same.
  • Influence Trumps Authority by Cary Schmidt
    Do you want your children to love God? Do you want them to truly enjoy living life with and for Jesus Christ? There’s an unspoken principle that many parents or leaders miss. It often goes ignored, unrecognized, and completely invisible.

Pursue the heart of your child! Like the Apostle Paul, be “affectionately desirous” of them. Expend yourself in authentic relationship. In so doing, you will build influence.
When it comes to protecting you child—think “authority.” But when it comes to directing your child—think “influence!”

  • Labeling Children by their Behaviour at HomeschoolandWork is a challenging and thoughtful read.  “Before you say something about your child while your kid is standing there, imagine how’d you feel if your parent, husband, or even child mentioned … ‘Mommy and Daddy have yelling problems’.”

Parenting Series at Defending Contending
Parenting – Biological or Biblical? – Part 1
Complacency or Hypocritical? Part 2
Parenting – Making an Application – Part 3

Shared from my Facebook page this week

Post by Susan-Priolo’s Blog.

Post by Susan-Priolo’s Blog.

Post by Susan-Priolo’s Blog.

Post by Susan-Priolo’s Blog.

Our goal is to have powerful sons and daughters, not powerless, limited, mindless robots.
~Danny Lee Silk

His Purpose is My Hope

I am so alone
unable to speak with words, only groans.
I see the looks;
hear the whispers…

I turn to the left and sense the sighs. I hear the unsaid words,
“If only you had done this, or done that…”
I turn to the right only to see other parents pull their children away in fear
just in case it is infectious.

I look behind and see their looks of pity.
They know I see it but they choose to be aloof.
Yet I also sense fear in their eyes, “If it happened to them, will it happen to me?”

Blue eyes, brown eyes… ooze with thick, black condemnation
eyebrows raised, lips pursed.
Tsk, tsk…
Chiding me with every breath.

I turn around. Momentarily relieved to have found a place of rest.
Of peace,
an absence of condemnation or self righteousness…
But it is an illusion. Not real. It’s there, veiled behind music and smiles, preaching, prayers and Bible verses.

I soon learn and accept that all is not as it seems
This place – is filled with dark hopelessness and resignation
“Oh well, what can ya do?” and “Kids will be kids” and other such empty, throwaway lines…

I look forward…
look straight ahead…
to The One who knows and see all,
who is not bound by the earthly constraints of time and physicality.

I see hope.
He has her,
in His hands,
He will call her in his time.

This One.
He knows me,
knows what I have done,
where I have tried and failed.

Everything is in His hands,
not mine.
He has His purpose,
As if I could stop it.

No more control,
or shame,
or guilt
when I abide in Him and Him alone.

God Knows

When our young teen started to question everything I wanted to quickly set this child straight! This didn’t always turn out so well which led me to ask, “Why? Why me? Why my child?“

This question then turned to “How? How can I straighten this mess out? How can I straighten this child out?”

I had a lot to learn.

Looking back, I can now recognise a few lessons that God wanted to show me. I needed to understand that everything that came to me had first passed through the hands of God. I was presented with an opportunity.  An opportunity for my growth and maturity. An opportunity for me to be transformed more and more into the image of Jesus. Yet I was looking for the closest exit!

God is The Multi-Tasker

God is working in the life of my child at the same time He is growing me. He is choosing to use my prodigal child to mature me, to grow me, to transform me into the image of His Son. At the same time, He is working in my child’s life, even if I can’t see it at the time. That is good news!

Does God Really Know What’s Going On?

My present life is quite different to the dreams and ideals that I had for our family and each child all those years ago. Broken dreams, grieving for that which will never be… this was not what I had dreamt of when I was holding each new baby in my arms.

Did God know that I would have to face this challenge in my family or did it catch Him by surprise?

God saw all of this. He knew this was going to be my reality. Yet He chose to give me this child to raise, to train, to teach, to love. He placed this child in our family for a purpose! Not just for the child’s sake but for mine.

What I am facing today is what I am meant to be going through. I need to stop looking for the quick, easy exit and learn to grow through it. By wishing for my situation to be different I am losing an opportunity for growth, for transformation.

Father God, give me wisdom for today. Help me to see that I need this lesson for my maturity, for my faith. Father, I want less of me and more of You. Help me to have peace through this painful lesson, this transforming work that You are doing in my life. I thank you that you are working in our lives. Help me to see the bigger, long term picture. Help me to look further ahead – to Your glory.

He must increase, but I must decrease.
~John 3:30 (ESV)

What Parenting Recipe Do you Use?

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they start to examine and question the big issues of life:

Why are we here? Who put us here? What happens when we die? Our answer or thoughts to these big questions will dictate our actions.

There is a lot of myth and fear surrounding the teen years, especially amongst home schoolers. We don’t need to stick our heads in the sand and only discuss that which we want to hear- we need to know what is happening.

We want to pass on our beliefs and faith to our children. So we teach them. We homeschool so we can spend more time with our children, building the relationship, instilling values, etc. And then comes that time. That time when our child starts to question those beliefs. And we get are horrified and panic.

However, this process doesn’t need to be terrifying. It can be a necessary and vital step toward maturity and adulthood. This transference of faith is vital for one to grow as a child of God, to take ownership of their faith. After this process, the child or young adult will no longer rely upon their parents for maintaining their relationship with God and others.

What happens if this process does not happen?

The shift may still occur but instead of relying upon the parents, they may rely upon someone else’s: their boyfriend, husband, pastor, friends, magazine, TV, books, etc. (The enemy is vying for the heart of all and is actively working toward gaining it via any means). They either take ownership of the faith they were raised in or they transfer it and take the beliefs or faith of someone else.

So, is there a formula?

Early on in my parenting journey, I thought I had found the recipe!

Simply take 1 child + a godly homeschool and you will = Success

We think that if we homeschool, then our children will turn out okay. Further to that, we have to homeschool a certain way or it won’t ‘work’. We have to avoid this, avoid that, do this, don’t do that… Oh, it’s all so hard – so many rules!

But we make a grave mistake if we attempt to use any kind of formula.

Raising children is a matter of grace.

It isn’t about a formula or a recipe. We need to know and accept that we cannot obtain our child’s salvation! Whether or not a person realizes they’re forgiven and walks in that when they are 15 or 45 doesn’t change the fact that it’s all about grace. Salvation is a work of grace. After all, salvation is what most of us desire for our children more so than simply the appearance of right living.

We can lead our children to Him, lead them in the ways of Him… We can teach them all about Him, and teach them to obey us as parents… but that internal work of the heart – the individual’s response and subsequent obedience to God are not within our control. We are not the Holy Spirit. We are the messenger, the herald who proclaims the message. The onus is on the hearer to hear and obey.

So what can we do?

We can pray! We can proclaim the message unabashedly! We can live by example. We can train in matters of outwardness. And we can hope.

There will come a time in their life when they question what they believe… it might look shaky for awhile but if the foundation is solid (the foundation being the message of the work of the Cross through Christ) then we can be assured that God will indeed graft them into the vine and call them His own. They will start to see this as their faith… their belief and not just that of their parents. This is a most beautiful happening! Truly wondrous!

The Homeschooling Community

We shouldn’t look at a 15yo, who is mulling over the big issues of life and struggling with it (which can be a normal part of maturing into an independent adult), and judge his family.

In the same way, we can’t look at a family who has an obedient and God-fearing 16yo and assume that they have perfected the formula, thereby desiring to emulate their parenting. We don’t know where that person will be when they are 30, once away from the watchful eye of parents and responsible for themselves. So often we overlook the operative word in Proverbs 22:6 “when he is old”; not when he is a teen.

Relationship

Let us not become weary with our modelling and teaching. Let’s keep on teaching our children God’s ways, keep on loving them, laughing with them. We can be firm with our children yet not get too hung up on the minors. We can pray with them and for them. If we homeschool – keep building our relationship with them. If your children goes to school – keep building your relationship with them! And pray.

Prayer

God cares about your children even more than you do. Ask God to reveal Himself to them, that they will see their sin and need for Him. Pray that God will humble them (and us, while we’re praying) and pierce their heart so that they will see their need for great grace. Ask God that He will draw them back to Himself each time they stumble.

We can let our children know that there is nothing they can do to earn our love or God’s love. Pray that the gospel will be the motivation for their growth. Teach them and model that our obedience is a response that overflows from our heart.

Fearless Parenting

butterfly_hands

I find myself being very reflective lately. Maybe it’s because my eldest daughter recently got married or maybe it’s because both of my daughters are out in the big, wide world leaving me at home in a houseful of males. Maybe it’s because my youngest is 14 and I see my homeschooling years coming to an end in the near future. (Considering we’ve been learning at home for 14 years I consider only another 3 or 4 years to be in the near future) Regardless, I’ve had lots of time to think and reflect about my earlier years of parenting.

The challenges of raising a child are as much for the sanctification of the parents as they are for the benefit of the child.
~ Bryan Chapell

Parenting From Fear

Looking back I can see how much I parented out of fear. Of course I didn’t think so at the time but in hindsight I know that it was. The journey I’ve been on was not an overnight one: they rarely are, but it’s been a good one. A journey that The Father knows I needed to learn. Hearing it, parroting it and saying it are totally different to *knowing it*.

I’m not scared any more. But I was. It’s not a good place to be. Too often I tried to control er, influence my little ones. I micro-managed them. At one stage, of which I am ashamed to admit, I even thought I could control er, train their thoughts. I thought I knew what they were thinking by observing their body language. While there is some validity in this, I’ve learned to always expect the best, yet not assume, and give them room to grow and not treat them as though I am the omnipresent Holy Spirit. By trying to look at their heart I became judge and jury- deciding what *I* thought their motive or attitude was and metering out appropriate consequences.

I didn’t want my children to learn by their mistakes. Or rather only with the little mistakes. Like accidentally smashing the brand new fish tank after I told them that it was too heavy and awkward for them to carry. That was fairly easy and I got through that one ok. It was only money at stake.

The real pressure came when the heart issues got involved. Modesty, purity, honesty are all virtues that I care about and they mean more to me than money or possessions. This is where my control freak tendencies started to emerge. I was influenced by certain ‘styles of parenting’. Books, blogs, forums were all vehicles for the legalistic messages of parenting. And I devoured their training. I take full responsibility for that, I’m not trying to cop out. But listening to them exacerbated my problem. I wanted to do the right things, live the right way. I wanted to be a good wife and mum. So I read books and devoured websites until I needed glasses. In my enthusiasm and zeal I was listening to every message I could about striving for the narrow way, the hard way, etc. I read article after article about the high calling of motherhood and being a keeper of the home. I’m not saying these ideals are wrong but I gave them more credence than they rightly deserved.

Homeschooling suport groups and literature can be a vehicle for legalism, fear and comparison. Being fallen creatures (man) we listen to ideals, we like to look up to people- we put others on pedestals… this is fallen human nature. And as thus, any movement can be a vehicle. I don’t say this to be discouraging rather to alert people to the dangers of ANY group/banner/movement/gathering. We need to keep our eyes on The Lord and Him only.

Lessons Learned

I am not God. I am not omnipotent nor omnipresent. Duh! Yet sometimes it can take me years to realise such basic, grassroot lessons.

The beauty of God is that He is God. He will save our children because it is or isn’t His plan. We don’t teach them in His ways for them as much as we do for our own sake! Yup, when I realised that it shook me to the core, but it’s a wonderful truth.

God has shown me the most wonderful things from it all – I am only just beginning to grasp a little of how truly sovereign and immense He is. I knew that before. But know I am coming to really KNOW it.

And lest that sound all rather small and insignificant, let me assure you that it isn’t. It is actually the foundation, the character of who God is. And He is revealing it to me, little by little. Wow, I am gobsmacked at how awesome and big and totally in control He really is. And how totally not in control I am.

The lessons God has revealed to me have been the only thing that keep me going at times. Where once I felt it was all hopeless. What’s the point of doing my best if it doesn’t guarantee that my children will be Christians? All the wrong questions- what is the point, why does it matter… and so on. I was not parenting from the right place though- not from freedom, peace or liberty. God wanted to reach me, to teach me. He wanted to blow my mind with Himself! But He had to wait until I got to the place of emptiness… so that I could listen.

And that is right where God wants all of us to be — totally and utterly dependent upon Him.

This is not hopeless as I once thought. It’s glorious! I can now rest in the fact that He has it all under control. I can stop worrying and just be willing to be used by Him. He does much better work than I ever could.

The relationship I have with my children is all the better for these lessons learned. They are free to live their life, free to make mistakes- any mistakes. Sure I don’t condone all their actions and behaviour but I don’t love them any less for it. Just as Christ died for my sin, He died for theirs too. My children are now free to walk the path that is before them with boldness and strength without fear of condemnation or judgement from me.

I’m not scared anymore. And it’s beautiful. Freeing. Relaxed. And joyful. To parent out of freedom and grace is refreshing. It’s totally liberating!

“God’s initial goal for Christian homeschooling families is not the raising of godly children. Instead, God’s wonderful, but subtly hidden agenda is that the homeschooling experience be so challenging for the parents that they feel the need and hunger for a closer walk with their heavenly Father.”
~Wisdom’s Way of Learning by Marilyn Howshall

The Think Principle

Originally posted on September 1, 2005

Our home is noisy! Our home is loud! And is filled with constant talk! But, this is a good thing- discussion is a cord that helps to bind the family together. Nevertheless, constant talk can be a drain upon others and it isn’t necessarily beneficial for the talker either. We have discussed a few slogans that have been able to help us to control our tongue- I’ll share them here.

think principle

Speak when the words build up.
Speak if the words bring a smile.
Speak where reassurance is needed.
Speak what gives hearts courage.
Speak how He would.
Words that encourage. Words that give life. Words that bless. If you have those kinds of words on the tip of your tongue, then please speak.
Otherwise, maybe it is best not to.

“If you have a message of encouragement for the people, please speak.”
~Acts 13:15

Biblical Principles of Parenting by John MacArthur

What we desperately need is a return to the biblical principles of parenting. Christian parents don’t need new, shrink-wrapped programs; they need to apply and obey consistently the few simple principles that are clearly set forth for parents in God’s Word, such as these:

  • Constantly teach your kids the truth of God’s Word (Dt. 6:7).
  • Discipline them when they do wrong (Pr. 23:13-14).
  • And don’t provoke them to anger (Col. 3:21).

Those few select principles alone, if consistently applied, would have a far greater positive impact for the typical struggling parent than hours of discussion about whether babies should be given pacifiers, or what age kids should be before they’re permitted to choose their own clothes, or dozens of similar issues that consume so much time in the typical parenting program.

~  John MacArthur

The control freak returns

As the children wave goodbye to their father a monster returns. The motherly Control Freak.

This is just how you picture me, isn't it?

On Friday I drove my husband… to work! He always jokes that I drive him mad but I only drove him to work 😉

He is part of an exercise that is heading away up north for six weeks. They are driving heavy duty trucks. 76 of them! I wouldn’t want to get stuck behind them on the highway as they have a speed limit of 75km/h. Yesterday the convoy drove for 12 hours and travelled a whopping 450 kms. Glad I’m at home. They are taking one week to get to their destination, 4 weeks there and another week to get home. I hate it when he goes away, I feel like half of me is missing. Plus, he’s getting too old for all this. He enjoys working in his workshop and doing all that he does but the adrenalin rush of these exercises wears a bit thin after the 100th time.

The other day the children and I were discussing the fact that Dad was going away for 6 weeks and I asked them a question.

Me: “You know what it means when dad goes away, don’t you?”

Master J replied, “Yes Mum, it means the house goes into lockdown.”

Hehee, I had to laugh. I can see why he would say that.

When I am responsbile for everything in the home I do things differently to John. Last time he went away for some length of time I wrote about my thorn in the flesh and how I handle (or struggle) with things. I sometimes struggle with law and grace when I have responsibility on my shoulders.

This ‘lockdown’ involves more rules. It’s how I cope. Quite possibly I have control freak tendencies, which is not good. Needing to control everything is not a biblical attitude. When this spills over to wanting to control my children then I am in dangerous waters. I have often thought though, that many homeschool mums are prone to this way of thinking though. Oh I believe it comes from a pure motive – we desire the very best for our children… but that control freak attitude is something that God wants to deal with.

I like to control things. I like to feel like I am in control of my family, of my homeschool. As the children get older, I see that this can lead to some problems if we continue in these thoughts/ attitudes. We cannot and should not control our children’s thoughts. Controlling their environment to the point where we are controlling their attitude is not healthy and does not raise adults. It raises mini children, incapable of truly thinking for themselves but parroting the things they believe we value. Control cannot achieve what we want it to. reaching the heart is a more scary way to go about it. But that means giving up our need to control.

Husbands carry a lot of weight on their shoulders. They bear a lot of responsibility. As a wife it can be easy for me to not recognise this and just keep piling more things on his shoulders. Times like this can show me exactly how much my husband carries and I become really thankful and appreciative of him. I can’t wait till he comes home again.

Parenting Today's Teens

I’m always on the lookout for helpful, proactive sites that encourage me in the role of parenting. Many sites are great but they don’t necessarily reach me, where I’m at… nor speak to our family and where we’re at. Some sites are beautiful to look at and are highly idealistic but I come away feeling inadequate or like I failure… as though we have fallen short. But I have been meaning to share a site that is not like that at all. It offers daily inspiration and tips and is one of the most practical sites I’ve seen in some time. It isn’t primarily for those picture-perfect homeschool families although they will still get a lot out of the daily tips.

Heartlight Ministries is written by Mark Gregston, the Founder and Executive Director. Heartlight Ministries is a Christian residential counseling program for struggling teenagers, located in East Texas. The Heartlight Ministries blog has a brief daily podcast which every parent will find helpful. If you’re on Facebook you can also like their page and will receive the tips via your newsfeed.

Click here for the Parenting Today’s Teens facebook page.

But wait! There’s more!


You can download the free, 107page ebook. But wait! There’s even more!

Another Free E-Book! Developing Rules and Boundaries for your Teen.

Why do I like this so much? Because it is *so* good. Here’s the message for today, which you can find here.

Teens Finding A Place Of Peace

Your home should be a retreat for your teenager from the pressures of their life, not a place of conflict and anguish.

With all the stresses on teens today, your home needs to be that one place where your teen can find peace, encouragement and unconditional love. It should be a refuge, where they gladly return for refreshment.

If it isn’t, they’ll seek refuge in other places, like the home of their peers. They’ll hang out with friends for as many hours as they can. And they’ll participate in whatever their peers are doing, just to fit in.

Parents, your most powerful tool against negative peer pressure is to have a home that your teen loves coming home to.

Go on, visit the site today… sign up to receive the emails and download the ebooks.
http://www.heartlightministries.org/parentingtodaysteens/
http://www.heartlightministries.org/e-book.html
Heartlightministries.org/troubled teens warning signs

Get out of their faces and…

‎”Let your eyes light up when your children are around. Laugh more. Tell them how empty and quiet it is when they’re not there. Enjoy the things they bring to your life. Attend their activities, not as if they were compulsory for parents, but throw yourself into their lives.”

Valerie Bell
Getting Out of Your Kids’ Faces and into Their Hearts

Parenting Pain

I remember when my children were little and we would be at the playground. The children would be running around, jumping, shrieking with delight, skipping and climbing the playground equipment. On more than one occasion would one of them fall and scrape their knee, which would result in a mass of tears. As a parent I would watch the children carefully, almost anticpating a fall. And then splat!… it would happen! I’d see it happen, as if it were in slow motion. I knew it was happening yet was not able to prevent the fall and subsequent wound. As the fall or tumble was occurring I would hurt. I felt pain.

It was as if I could feel it in my own body. My knees would jar sharply or my ankle felt twisted, depending upon what type of tumble or scrape the child incurred. Within seconds the tears, screams or sobs (depending upon the child) would ensue. I would take the child into my arms and whisper very quietly. The whisper was usually one of a prayer- asking God to take away the pain and replace it with His peace and joy or some such similar request. I loved that moment… where they loved being in my arms and comforted by me.  Where my words were helpful and comforting and offered assurance. Where we were connected as mother and child. For some parents, this heart connectedness stays this way all the way through until adulthood and even beyond, which can be healthy. For some others, this doesn’t happen at all and children become disconnected. Some children disconnect well before they reach adulthood. Just as parents of toddlers experience pain when their child is bruised or scraped so do some parents expereince pain when a child disconnects.

I know because that parent is me.

I feel intense pain in this step of my parenting journey… for one of my children has disconnected well before they are ready. The child is bruised and hurting, therefore I am too.

I hurt in many ways… I grieve for the loss and pain that I see my child in and for the possible pain I see that they are headed for. But I also hurt in other ways.

I feel alone. I’m going through all this with my husband (Thank you Lord!) but I mean, in a sense, that ‘we’ feel alone. I’ve tried to reach out to others. I’ve tried to find parents in similar situations but it seems that there aren’t any others. At times I feel like we are the only Christian, homeschooling parents to go through this. I know for a fact that this is not true… but it feels like it.  Maybe others are too busy, maybe they don’t know what to say within a situation that doesn’t seem to change with every passing week. And then, there is the occasional parent that looks at me with a shocked expression and starts asking a few questions… but they’re asking the wrong questions! The questions they ask aren’t necessarily for my benefit or my child’s… rather for themselves. I can sense when someone wants to know details only for their own benefit… so that they would not make the same mistakes that we did. If it were all so cut ‘n’ dried then I would be marketing the formula instead of writing a blog post!

I don’t ask God, “why?“. Well, in all honesty I have done so in the past but I don’t anymore . Oh,I have screamed at God at times; cries wanting to know why, what I had done (as though it were all about me- how ego-centric), etc? But praise Him, He is so much bigger than my ego for He didn’t shoot me down with a bolt of lightning or anything like that. But no, He didn’t answer me either. He has never condemned me for asking a heart question… He just may not answer. And, He is, after all… God. He can do that!

However, I digress… back to the point. Better questions that I do believe God answers are ones such as,

“Where do I go from here?”
“What can I do now to redeem the situation?”
“How can I serve the needs of my child in this situation?”
“How do I show love without condoning their behaviour?”

This stage of the journey, for me, is a difficult and tiring one. I don’t want simplistic formulas which don’t hold up… neither do I need a theology of clichés. Therefore I cannot write about formulas or clichés. But I can write about the things that I do know. They may not always sound theologically correct to others and for that, I apologise in advance. I wish to lead no one astray yet I desire to share what I am learning, not just in my bookish learning of the Bible but in my relationship with the Lord God. Sometimes I write before I have completely processed my thoughts. Sometimes my posts will sound all garbled. Despite my best efforts, I will get it wrong. [Apology over] So keep reading at your own discernment.

I do know that God indeed has a plan!

A plan and purpose for mankind, for me and for my child! He has promised to finish what He started in me… and He uses painful experiences to grow me in endurance and patience. He also uses these trying times to reveal my flesh, the flesh nature which may have been slightly buried in my clean-living and cosy life.

And I know that I am never alone.

This journey is plunging me into a relationship with the Lord God that I have not known previously. I can say that I’d rather live a life of hard times with the Lord God, my Father,  than a life of ease and comfort without Him.

Jesus said that He will never leave or forsake me. And I know it. I don’t just believe it. I know it.

MacArthur… on parenting

We’re certainly not to think that God’s sovereignty in salvation means the way we raise our kids is immaterial. God often uses faithful parents as instruments in the salvation of children.
~ John MacArthur

Leaving a legacy?

Friday, from the archives.

Driving in the car…washing dishes…sweeping the floor, preparing a meal…reading a good book…visiting the new neighbour…running errands and paying bills. What do these have in common? These are a few things that I have had opportunity to do this week…to do with my children. And it is through these tasks and delights that I have opportunity to share the good news of God with them.

One of my favourite verses in God’s word is Deuteronomy, chapter 6. I particularly like Chapter 6: but that’s only because of the surrounding verses. The writer of these verses is Moses.

Moses went to Egypt and led the Israelites out of Egypt. They wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years. So close yet so far away from the Promised Land. During all this time the people of Israel had fallen away form the Lord and the teachings of Moses. Moses goes to Mt. Sinai and receives the Commandments from God. I often need to remember why the Law was given. It was given to reveal divine holiness! It showed who God is… His standards of righteousness. When I look at the commandments I can see how far short I have fallen…and how I can never attain adherence to them of myself.

I was intrigued to learn that it took the Israelites about 40 hours to get out of Egypt but it took 40 years for the Israelites to find the promised land- or as I’ve heard is said somewhere before, “It took 40 years to get Egypt out of Israel.” However, the other interesting point is that Moses didn’t get to enter the promised land. Only two of the Israelites who were taken out of Egypt got to enter it and they were Joshua and ‘Master C’ . Al the others had died and there was a new generation.

Just before his death, before the entrance to the promised land, Moses gave a final word of admonition and exhortation or additional instruction. (Interestingly, Jesus also quotes this verse)
Moses was their leader. He helped them to live godly lives amongst heathen nations. As THE Word was taught to us, so we must teach it to our children.

God knows that our teachings, lives and beliefs can influence future generations. He wants us to think this way. How many generations can you see in the verses? Three! That means me, my children and my grandchildren!

I’ve heard many people say that they wish there was a handbook or guidebook for this whole parenting caper. And there is! It is the Bible!

So, what are we to pass down to the generations- to our children. Head knowledge? It may start there but it must be more than that. It must be in our lives. The word must change us. Along with a knowledge of God we must also have a fear of the Lord. It starts with love. Otherwise, all we have is religion.

I wasn’t raised a Christian although my mother converted before I came to know the Lord so I say that my mother is the first generation Christian. It began with her.  She started to live out her life in God in front of me…and I picked up on that passion. I think that a possible danger for me is that I may become complacent in the living out of my faith and thus my children will become that way or even acknowledge God’s commands but not live in the fear or love of the Lord. Oh Lord, create in me a clean heart…keep my heart drawn to you.

Am I excited about what God is doing in my life or has done for me? Do I share my walk with them? How are they to ‘catch’ my passion if I don’t share it with them?

Parenting – for whose sake?

To go along with the quote I posted reviously, here is another one. Ouch! Yes, God I know… but isn’t it enough already?

The challenges of raising a child are as much for the sanctification of the parents as they are for the benefit of the child.
~ Bryan Chapell

God’s Hidden Agenda

I know, I know… I have quoted this saying so many times that many of my friends are probably sick of hearing it. But it seems to be my life motto  so I have to share it again.

“God’s initial goal for Christian homeschooling families is not the raising of godly children. Instead, God’s wonderful, but subtly hidden agenda is that the homeschooling experience be so challenging for the parents that they feel the need and hunger for a closer walk with their heavenly Father.”
~Wisdom’s Way of Learning by Marilyn Howshall

What is the Chief End of Homeschooling?

We started the learning-at-home adventure toward the end of 1996, so this is our 13th year. Over that time I have been bamboozled, ferhoodled, and lacking in confidence through to confident, visionary and fulfilled. I have gone through a many seasons, each bringing their own emotions, ups and downs. On the AussieHomeschool forum, a dear lady asked the following questions:

Come on ladies, tell me – who has some secrets for keeping your cool? How do we get a grip on those flaky days? Any overcomers out there?

It’s not often that I get to answer in the positive in things like this… but I’d really have to say that after 13 years of home based learning and raising 4-5 children, I am an overcomer! I am surviving and so are the children!

rp_forgiven.jpg No, it’s not because I am perfect or that I have it together– because nothing could be further from the truth. So, what is my secret? Can others experience this peace too?

Trust. Surrender

Knowing that this journey is also about me. Knowing that this journey is more about relationships than academics.

I have a temper. And a short fuse although, by the grace of God and learning to practice the presence of God, it is lengthening. I also have a potty mouth. I have been known, in the past, to speak in a way that cuts people to the core, leaving them drowning in a pool of blood. I hated myself. I hated my actions and the complete lack of self control I had over my emotions and my tongue. And yes, sadly, my older children do remember my propensity toward uncontrollable, verbal rage. I am thankful for the Cross, and its power to heal. My journey does not end there, That was who I was, not who I am.

  • I have learned that homeschooling is not about perfection or anything closely resembling it, but it is about developing relationships.
  • I’ve learned that homeschooling is an extension of parenting and this is still the same whether or not my child attends public school, private school, homeschool books or unschooling.
  • I’ve learned that homeschooling is not a goal… it is a process. I’ve learned that the children growing up to *look like* a perfect homeschooler is just nowhere near good enough.
  • I’ve learned that this homeschooling journey isn’t about academics, nor is it even about character, for character will not get anyone into heaven!

The goal of this homeschooling business is that I should become so dependent upon God that I fall onto my knees daily, seeking His face, hungering after a touch from Him. Parenting should drive me to my knees!

What does this practically mean when I’m knee deep in laundry and eating cereal or toast for tea? It means that there is an eternal reason for all this mess, untidiness, and constant training. That reason is that God wants ALL of us- our entire life. Our goal is to love God and glorify Him forever – in the midst of spilled Weetbix and poopy nappies and children that can’t spell.

I know this isn’t the most practical advice you’ve ever heard but in all honesty, it is truth and reality for me. I’ve tried everything over the years. I’ve tried great schedules, quiet times, days off, and all those other things but for me, they are all temporary reprieves. Seeking after the heart of God in earnest, before ALL other things is the only way I have been able to flourish, not just survive.
The only practical thing I can offer is that this too shall pass. Things do get easier. As the children get older, as they invariably do, things will get easier. I promise. Of course, the developing ages bring their own unique set of curve balls but again, it’s back to the beginning…

What is the chief end of man?

Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.

Photo credit: Forgiven by Greg Olsen Art

Christian Training of Children

“Christian Training of Children” by Charles Spurgeon

“Parents! Your children are as surely as grown-up people, “dead in trespasses and sins!” May no parent fail fully to realize the spiritual state in which all human beings are naturally found. Unless you have a very clear sense of the utter ruin and spiritual death of your children, you will be incapable of being made a blessing to them. Go to them, I beg you, not as to ‘sleepers’ whom you can by your own power awaken from their slumber–but as to ‘spiritual corpses’ who can only be quickened by a divine power!

If you think that your child is ‘not really depraved’, if you indulge foolish notions about the ‘innocence of childhood’, it should not surprise you if you remain barren and unfruitful.

If you would bring spiritual life to your child–you must most vividly realize that child’s state. It is dead, dead! God will have you feel that your child is dead in trespasses and sins–as you once were. God would have you come into contact with that death by painful, crushing, humbling sympathy. If you would raise your dead child to spiritual life–you must feel the chill and horror of your child’s death yourself. You must have, more or less, a distinct sense of the dreadful wrath of God, and of the terrors of the judgment to come. Depend upon it, when the spiritual death of your children alarms and overwhelms you–then it is that God is about to bless you!”

What do you think?

Fragrance of the heart of Christ

Originally found in my facebook inbox, from the group Disciple Like Jesus

220stonesfrom J. R. Miller’s “Our New Edens”

Parents are the custodians of their children’s lives. If they would meet their responsibility and be able to look God and their children in the face at the judgment, they must make their homes as nearly ‘gardens of Eden’ as possible.

The way to save your children from the temptations of the streets–is to make your home so bright, so sweet, so beautiful, so happy, so full of love, joy and prayer–that the streets will have no attractiveness for them–no power to win them away. “Do not be overcome by evil–but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21

The place of the home-life among the influences which mold and shape character, is supreme in its importance. Our children are given to us in tender infancy–to teach them and train them for holy, worthy, beautiful living.

It is not enough to have an opulent house to live in! It is not enough to have fine foods, and luxurious furniture, and expensive entertainments! Most of the world’s worthiest men and women, those who have blessed the world the most–were brought up in plain homes, without any luxury!

It is the tone of the home-life, that is important. We should make it pure, elevating, refining, inspiring. The books we bring in, the papers and magazines, the guests we have at our tables and admit to our firesides, the home conversation, the pictures we hang on our walls–all these are educational. As in everything, LOVE is the great master-secret of home happiness.

The religious influences are also vitally important. In that first ‘garden home’, the Lord came and went as a familiar friend. Christ must be our guest–if our home is to be a fit place either for our children or for ourselves. If there is no sincere prayer in it, it is not a true home at all–it is only a heathen lodging-place!

How can we make ‘new Edens’ of our homes? What are some of the secrets of home happiness? I might gather them all into one word and say–CHRIST! If we have Christ as our guest–our home will be happy! He must be welcomed into all our life. He must be in each heart. He must sit at our tables and mingle with us in all our family interaction. Christ can bless our home, only through the lives of those who make the home circle.

Make your home so sweet, so heavenly, with love and prayer and song and holy living–that all through it, there shall be the fragrance of the heart of Christ!

Helping the Weak: The Lesson in 1 Thessalonians

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, (Or ‘disorderly’, or ‘undisciplined) encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

Ah, this verse leaped out at me this morning. I don’t know about you but I never know what my day is going to hold. I live with a person who is an emotional roller coaster. When this person is happy the whole world is smiling, the flowers blooming, the sun is shining and life is sweet. But when this person is on the downward side of the coaster, life is… just hard. (And that is a major understatement)

Today, this verse is for me. In my walk as a parent.

I know that Paul was not referring to Susan, the parent when he wrote these inspired words…but nevertheless, they are for me today.

As a parent I need to admonish the idle, the disorderly or the undisciplined child. To warn the child who is being wayward, inconsistent or following their own will. I need to esteem the children when they have put in a good effort- not easy praise but an acknowledgment of their work, effort and attitude.

In fact, after praying and asking the Lord what I need to teach the children today He showed me this passage…and whilst this verse leapt out at me the whole passage is very applicable.

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.
1 THESSALONIANS 5: 12-18

  • Know my children. Observe them.
  • Be at peace today…cultivate an atmosphere of peace within the home.
  • Warn and admonish the disorderly or undisciplined child. Encourage the child when they are downcast.
  • Acknowledge their efforts and attitudes.
  • Help them, serve them.
  • Be patient.
  • Teach them not to repay evil for evil.
  • Encourage them to good to one another.
  • Rejoice!
  • Pray, without ceasing- develop an attitude of prayer submitting everything to the Father.
  • Give thanks…encourage the children to always give thanks.

But first I must examine my own heart before I can attempt to teach the children about such things. How is my attitude? Do I need to repent of any attitudes? I need to apply this verse to my own life before I open my mouth.  So I’m going to be busy today eh? What about you? What lessons does Father have for you today?

Parent or Best Friend?

Hands up if you have a teen daughter? A few years ago, I was advised to be my daughter’s parent- not her best friend. The advice was given that I need to be her guiding influence and an authority figure. And with that, I do agree! But…

So I tried being more parental…and nearly lost her heart. It wasn’t in the being parental part that nearly did it- it was the imbalance…being one but not the other. Oh, praise the Lord that he did not keep me at that place for long…for He knows my heart and what  I desire. He pulled me from that and set my feet upon a path where I could be both parent and best friend.

25-12-07_1134

2007

My 18yodaughter does not have a best friend, besides her father and I. It’s a lonely world out there for a young adult who holds strong values and convictions (and isn’t afraid to speak them!). She has many acquaintances and friends but none who share the same values with similar depth. Well, there are a few other young ladies who do but they are not in close geographical proximity to each other. Therefore, it’s important that I be there for her- to listen to her, to give to her- to be her role model.

Now I have read quite a lot of articles, blogs and magazines that speak of the parent being the parent and not the best friend…how the two cannot be similar. Well, maybe that is true is some situations as I know that all children are different but I do believe that the homeschooling mum can definitely be her daughter’s ‘besty’. Remember I have four other children and that includes our blended family.

Why does it have to be an either/either situation? Maybe it does and I am truly in a unique situation… but I know of others who are in similar situations like Pearls of Truth and her daughter.  Before she *graduated* my own mum was my best friend. She was and always will be my mother…but she was also one that I loved to share with, to listen to and to spend time with. She was a role model, an authority figure and my best friend. She had my heart. And I believe that’s the key. My daughter’s heart is turned toward me (and her father) so this allows me to be both to her. I guide her, instruct her, correct her, laugh with her, play with her, relax with her, pray with her, read God’s word with her and discipline her. She accepts it all  graciously (albeit eventually). 😉

We have an understanding that first and foremost I am her mother and this is my God given role…but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have other elements in our relationship. Naturally, this has changed with the age of my daughter. In the early years it was important to establish the boundaries and roles but as the young girls mature and develop to become young women (who are old enough to be married and running their own home but choose to remain at home until that time) I have found it important to accept the natural (creational principles) changes that different ages, stages and seasons bring. With God, all things are possible. There is balance to be found in His wisdom.

I hope no one would take this out of context and  become a liberal parent in the hopes of becoming their daughter’s ‘besty’. All family situations are different and each person should seek God and His word for the direction of their own family. If you have any queries on what I’ve written, don’t hesitate to write me or leave a comment.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Are you your older daughter’s best friend? What activities do you enjoy doing together?

Some good links that I want to share…for the young unmarried ladies:

A Little Courtship Advice by Nancy Wilson and  Unmarried & Fruitful.

Dealing with My Thorn in the Flesh

forgivenJohn is away for work. He  may be away for approximately 10 weeks out of the next 16 weeks.  We will miss him like crazy…and I just hope and pray that nothing too technical breaks down on our servers, but we’ll manage. I’m not particularly fazed or scared about him being away so much.

Except.

Except in one area. Those who know me in real life, or have followed my blog for awhile may guess as to my area of concern…which also led to my previous post where I voiced this concern about parenting from grace or law. Not that the two can be separated (imbalance is always the result) but my concern is the daily living. The practical reality of everyday life when it is not perfect or ideal.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

There was a time when I was verbally and physically abrasive. I despised that about myself. I also inherited those traits as learned behaviour and I wanted to break that vicious cycle. So, I set about identifying my triggers. Once identified I became proactive in ordering my lifestyle and habits so as to avoid these triggers as much as possible. Yes sadly, I still need to be controlled by externals in some areas of my life. However, by the grace of God, He is doing a work in me and the things He has taught me have helped me to avoid being abusive toward the ones I love. The problem with external controls is that when they are removed or not in place for various reasons, then self control must take over or all hell breaks loose. I live with a situation that is a huge trigger for me. Much of it is allayed by the fact that I am under my husband’s authority and so he handles much of the situation which is a trigger for me. But when he goes away, he trusts me and delegates full authority to me.

I am not scared of the person. I’m scared of myself. I have seen myself in action and it is not pretty. It is harmful. It can be devastating. I am weak. I will be clinging to 2 Cor 12:9-10

Getting back to my previous post: I like to set fairly rigid rules for our family to live by when John isn’t at home. Problem is, we don’t have too many rules normally. As an example, sometimes, I’ll send the children to bed at 9.30pm and other times it will be midnight. There is never any fuss- this is part of how we practically live by grace. But one child cannot live that way. This child needs a concrete line drawn in the sand. Without it, the child simply will not go to bed at all. Even when the line is drawn, they will push, and push and push- nagging, whining, yelling, screaming: doing anything necessary to *win* (as seen in their eyes).

We parent using natural consequences. If one would like to wear clean clothes on Tuesday, then one will need to wash on Monday. Right? Fair enough? If one does not put them in the laundry or wash them for themselves, then they will not be ready. No, I will NOT run down to the store and buy some brand new socks! No, you may not use my socks. You will have to live with the consequences of your own actions. Harsh? maybe…but fair. However, there is one child who refuses to accept this way of life. Simply and point blank refuses.

So with John not home, the only way I know how to cope is to set firm rules and we all live by them. However, it is really quite draining and hard to live by rules all the time. I find it sucks the very life-joy from me. I know not everyone feels this way but in this situation, I do. We have lived by our Family Ways before and most of us can do it…but it’s wearing. It’s wearing because there is only one who sets out to make it very difficult. Hence my dilemma of what to do and who to do it. I do not want to be broken to the point where I resort to past behaviour. I am weak. I am not strong, like some women have mistakenly believed about me. In fact, I’m not even nice. I can be horrible. I need God’s grace. I need His peace. And I need Him to be very real in my life throughout the coming months.

I know God will help me. I know He will be with me. With all my pro activeness and practising of self control, can I, without God, do that which is commanded of me? Can I submit my flesh, to God?  Will I ever be at the point where this ‘thorn in my flesh’ will be able to be used for my own good…let alone God’s glory?

How Do We Parent?

Do you get sick of reading parenting books? I did. I’ll be honest. They get on my nerves. There are more different kinds of Christian parenting books than coloured jelly beans. How’s a parent supposed to know what to do? Ezzo? Pearls? Tripp? Barth? Grace-based? Law based? Where on earth does it end?

Good Information – Wrong Time

Sometimes reading books will actually provide us with information that is wrong at the time. We should not read parenting books BEFORE we have gone to God. Bold statement, I know. I used to read the books, arm myself with lots of information and then go to God, trusting that He would guide me in this parenting/homeschooling journey. Pfft! Talk about putting the cart before the horse!

Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
Ecclesiastes 12:12

Parenting Experts or The Parent?

Why do we continually go to ‘the experts’ when we can go directly to THE Expert? Why do we need a writer, an author to tell us when, where, and how to discipline? Is it because we don’t look to see The Father’s parenting in our own lives? It seems to be a superior attitude to me; that we don’t like to see ourselves as children when we are parenting our children. We separate or compartmentalise areas of our life. Sometimes we’re parents; other times we are children of God…yet the two are intertwined.

How did God treat me before I was saved…before I came to believe on His son?

How does God treat me now?

In other words…

How does God parent me?

I am His child.

When I see the way that God parents me I am more able to parent my children in love, in grace…with discipline as it should be – loving discipline. Discipline that restores, not tears down or breaks hearts. Every action the Father does toward me is one of restoration, although I don’t always see that at the time. But it is. That is His nature and I trust Him.

How do I parent my children?

How does God parent me?

The blessing of our relationship with The Father should have us teach our children in the same ways – not holding back anything that is good for them, not disheartening them with our requirements. As we are being taught by Our Father, as He disciplines those that He loves, He does not despair or get impatient when we are slow but He continues to work in our heart and mind and in our family by his grace.

Let us seek the favour of God upon our homes!

Lost Generation

Have you got 1 minute and 44 seconds to watch this quick message?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Hat Tip: Theresa

Relationship or Religion

Won by One

To do what is right and just is more pleasing to ADONAI than sacrifice.
CJB

I’m a simple kind of gal. I love the poetic richness of the KJV but there are some times when I like to read other versions of the Bible as well. I’ve found it helpful in my walk as a believer but also as a parent, to learn the language of various Bible versions. I don’t talk in a ‘King James’ way. I can talk in a ‘ESV’ way but I often talk in a paraphrased way. I want to teach my children to walk in the ways of the Lord…to instill in them a love of God’s ways and discussion is one of my most influential and common ways that I can do this. It has something to do with living every day with my children- allowing them to see my life- letting them share in my life, that equals= relationship. This is why I tend to speak in paraphrased proverbs…it’s a natural thing for me to do.

I make mistakes. My children make mistakes. That’s okay. I don’t want them to grow up in an atmosphere of fear- scared to make a mistake. I don’t parent out of fear. None of that pleases the Lord.

Yes, it might good that my children would sing in the church choir, help lead the Sunday School class, and score highly in their Bible study curriculum test.  But that alone does not mean that their hearts are serving the Lord.

I can sacrifice my career to stay at home and teach my children, cook from scratch and sew all my own clothes yet my heart can still be far from what the Lord desires.

Good works aren’t bad. But by themselves they are just religion. Religion is simply ‘man trying to work their way to earn God’s favour’.  God isn’t interested in religion. He’s after relationship! He desires us to simply trust and obey Him more so than running around trying to prove our worth or earn His favour.

Proverbs 21:3
To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.
NIV

To do justice and judgment is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.
King James Version

To do righteousness and justice
Is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.
New KJV

Doing what is righteous and just
is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.
Holman Christian Standard

To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.
Amplified

Clean living before God and justice with our neighbors
mean far more to God than religious performance.
The Message

Father God would have you live right, to spend time with Him, to think of others, rather than running around working hard, trying to impress, by working for Him.
Susan’s paraphrase.

Again, some might say this is heretical of me to do but it’s real life- it’s allowing the word to penetrate my heart and my life. It’s then how I speak with my family. Speaking biblical principles in an everyday way that we each relate to. Speaking

What about you? Do you encourage yourself in the word this way? Or any other ways? How would you paraphrase this proverb? Go on, have a go – leave a comment and link to your post so other’s can see it and be encouraged. 🙂

Mother of Boys

I was catching up on some blog posts this morning and came across a gem (which is not unusual from Mrs. Wilson’s blog) about parenting boys. Here’s a snippet but do pop over to read the post in its entirety.

According to Proverbs, mothers are to lay down the law, particularly to their sons. “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck” (Prov. 1:8-9).

Mothers sometimes think that Dad is the one with all the authority around the house, particularly when it comes to dealing with the boys. But this is just false. God has established the authority of both parents in the home. Sons are to be well acquainted with the law of their mothers, and this is a good thing.  In fact, God tells the sons that this instruction and law are like a crown and a necklace.

Mothers need to establish their authority over their children when they are little (particularly the boys), but that includes bringing them up by means of godly instruction, not just by use of raw authority.  Children must obey both parents, and both parents must exercise their authority with wisdom and humility, knowing that they answer to God for how they are bringing up their children.

A mother who refuses to give instruction and correction not only damages the child, but also guarantees her own sorrow. “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Prov. 29:15). “A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother” (Prov. 10:1).

Did this speak to you or encourage you as much as it did me?

Family and Parenting Resources: Audio Sermons

Here are a few good resources for your encouragement, information and edification.

Dr. Voddie Baucham:
Child Training – 49 min.
Baucham+Washer Q&A pt1.
Baucham+Washer Q&A pt2.

Paul Washer Family Series:
pt 1: Adolesence and Obedience -53 min
pt 2: Honour, the Gateway to Blessings -52 min
pt 3: Responsibility, the Duty of Fathers -49 min
pt 4: Father, Where are You? -52 min
Paul Washer-Recreational Dating is Unbiblical

Matt Haney:
Matt Haney-Excellent 3 part Parenting- Children Series.

Ray Comfort:
How to Bring Your Children To Christ -57 min
True and False Conversion -64 min

Delighting in our children

I’ve been chewing over a thought. It keeps coming back to me every day. I can’t shake the thought even if I wanted to. So I’ll write about it. I don’t expect that I’ll be all that coherent as writing is usually the way I process my thoughts and it takes me a few goes at saying something before it starts to make sense to anyone else other than myself…so read along if you dare…but if you do, please leave your thoughts. I’d love to hear them!

Friends of mine (IRL and online) will know that I have often talked about parenting our children as God parents us. God is The Ultimate Parent…we do well to model our parenting methods after Him.

I’ve often hear and have used the phrase ‘ pleasing unto the Lord’ or that which ‘pleases God’. I try to live by it…knowing that of myself I cannot earn God’s favour, but to do those things which please Him, not to earn salvation but because His love, His grace compels me to do those things which please Him. For those readers who might be thinking that I’m  steering toward a ‘works based’ mentality- I’m not. Not at all…I’m still very much aware of Isaiah 64:6

One of my children struggles with the sin of perfectionism. This leads to much frustration on their part (and ours). This child grumps and humphs in frustration or anger or impatience…and I’ve realised that I do not like being around them when they choose to display that behaviour! Their behaviour doesn’t give me pleasure…I don’t take delight in being with them at that time.

I’m not a parent who takes joy in only singing hymns, nor do we have special ‘approved’ activities which sit well with my moral compass and make me happy. For me, there are no activities that are more spiritual than others. One child plays softball with her whole heart, as unto the Lord. She works at every aspect of it and has experienced a lot of growth through the sport. For her, playing softball is an act of worship (her words). She plays like she was born to play softball. I LOVE watching her play. I get great delight in watching her play.

My son has recently started at Cadets. He practices his drill daily. He researches. He talks with his younger brother about it. He takes part in all the activities with gusto. He enjoys it. I LOVE watching him ‘do his thing’. I take pleasure in watching him do his Cadets thing.

Worship is an attitude, an act, a thought.

It isn’t something we just ‘put on’, it is a lifestyle. Worship isn’t just lighting candles, jumping up and down, singing or kneeling although all those things can be an act of worship. I’ve been learning how worship is all this – not just a prescribed set of actions.

Knowing that God is The Ultimate Parent, I’ll venture on…I’m trying to find a point here somewhere.

If I take pleasure watching my child partake in an activity with their whole heart (as unto the Lord), and they are enjoying themselves and have a good attitude, does God take pleasure in watching me as I go about my daily activities with joy? As much as I don’t take great pleasure in being with a child who is choosing to stomp around, maybe it doesn’t give God pleasure when I’m stomping around or thinking negatively or nastily. Can I do these things? Yup! (Does my freedom that allows me to do them make it beneficial or right?) Does it give God pleasure? Does He delight in seeing me act that way?

So what does God delight in?

And how does this affect my parenting- the way I interact with my children?  I’m not talking about living a just, honest life and all those good things. As a parent I want to see my children living according to biblical guidelines but that isn’t what I’m trying to get at. My children each have unique interests and different abilities. I love to watch them as they discover those abilities and even more as they learn to grow and mature those abilities. It’s not just a ‘fun’ type of pleasure, it’s a deeper type of joyous, satisfying delight. To see them live out those interests with their unique abilities, seeking only to glorify the father gives me pleasure. I don’t see playing an instrument in church any more ‘spiritual’ than playing softball or painting. The activity itself isn’t the major point, it’s the heart attitude. (Obviously this is not a theological essay so I’m sure you’ll bear with my inconsistent thoughts).

As I’ve watched one of my children, trying to run away from God, I am learning a lot about the fatherly nature of God. On the other hand, as I’ve watched another child I and also learning a lot about his nature. This child has given their whole life to the Lord, to be in His service. They discovered an ability, they grow and mature that ability, all the while giving glory to God. During all this, their heart is turned toward their father and I. We know this child and have a good relationship with them. We cry with them and we laugh with them. We share in their ups and downs. They  desire to do that which pleases us, as we are the child’s parents. We know that they respect, honour and love us. When this child embraces their ability and participates in it, it feels natural…we love to watch and be a part of it. It doesn’t give us any more pleasure than an activity that is more ‘socially acceptable’ as a form of worship. Yet this is worship- real life, total worship of the Creator, The Father, God.

What do I delight in seeing in my children?

A heart that will ‘toe the line’ with following our guidelines… A heart that doesn’t *delight* in our relationship or a relationship with my child that allows them to make mistakes…knowing that they desire to please me out of love, gratitude and relationship not in order to ‘look good’ or appearing to be obedient or trying to win my approval?

I don’t mind when my children make mistakes, if their heart is filled with love and is turned toward me. A mistake is a mistake. But there are some children who want to live life all their own way – not in relationship – living purely by the rules – nothing more, nothing less. This type of obedience fills me with sorrow as they are missing out on so much – relationship. I love my children. I want to have a deep, real, honest relationship with each one of them…I haven’t stopped loving them. I haven’t set my face to turn against them. I have forgiven. I haven’t moved away. But they don’t always want that. They sometimes want to walk their own road by themselves, regardless of what it may bring.:::: sigh ::::

Is God like that with me, I wonder?

Does He delight in me, does He smile, when watching me partaking in activities and using the gifts that He has given me? I have a relationship with Him…my heart and life is His.

Our view of God will affect the way we parent our children.

So, if we want to do a good job of parenting then we need to know what it is to be a child. We need to know who the Ultimate Parent is.

I’m not trying to put the cart before the horse, nor am I getting into heresy. I’m simply seeing another side to my relationship with the Father – how a father delights in His children. Here we have what pleases the Lord: Psalm 147:10-11

His delight is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his pleasure in the legs of a man;
but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him,
in those who hope in his steadfast love.

Delight.

What a word…delight. Jesus is a delight to the Father. He delighted in His Son. Through being born again, we have been adopted into God’s family and we are His sons and daughters. He delights in you. He delights in me.

Again, I’m not trying to compare my parenting practices to God. I learn more about the nature of God through being a parent. I’m sure some will have issues with this post but I hope you will hear my heart and not just my words. I know this post doesn’t have all its theological ducks in a row but I do hope and pray that you can read the ethos of it.

Walking By Grace

Some of my readers may remember my where I talked about having a child who is trying to run away from the reality of God. I have shared how heart breaking this is. While it is still hard and every day brings its own challenges I would like to share some of the wonderful lessons I’m learning throughout it all.

I love to proclaim God’s grace- oh, that He should save a wretch like me and pour out His mercy, love and forgiveness upon me…me who is so undeserving. I am so aware that there is nothing I can do to earn God’s favour or His love. In fact, any of my attempts at being righteous are just as filthy rags. They are contrary to the good news of the work of the Cross. Early on in my conversion God revealed His grace. Grace is the middle name of one of my daughter’s. Grace is almost indescribable; too extraordinary. But I am thankful for His grace. I’m also thankful that while I am going through such daily heartbreak with one of my children, He has shown me more of Himself…more of what it means to live *in grace* and live *by grace*.

Every day I experience what it means to ‘live by the law’ or live by rules. Alternately, every day I also experience what it means to live in fullness of grace. How can this be? Oh, anyone who has lived with an unsaved person will probably know what I mean.

In an earlier post, I touched upon living by certain acceptable rules. You know, conduct becoming of good Christian homeschooling families. 😉 There seems to be certain codes of what is acceptable or not amongst homeschoolers. There is good behaviour and not-good behaviour. There are good activities and not-good activities.

I’ve been reassessing why I do what I do and why I don’t do certain things. Is my lifestyle determined by the rules of my faith? (Or acceptable Christian conduct) Or is my lifestyle determined by my relationship with Jesus Christ?

How about you? Have you stopped doing certain things since beginning to homeschool? Have your reasons been because of rules (being convinced by others) or by relationship with Christ and His transforming power?

Where Are the Parents of Teens?

My days have seemed, at times, to drag on while the years have just flown by!

I often wondered why there weren’t many parents of teens around the forums. I wanted to glean from them but they often weren’t around and if they were, they didn’t seem to be talking about the same kind of homeschooling messages that I wanted to hear.

Now, I think I am one of them. I love to talk and write about what we’re doing but a few things things roam through my head.

Life is an Education – Life Happens

Bookwork, lessons and learning just quietly potter along in the background- automatic pilot. I used to get so excited over teaching the children and then seeing them make connections and grow academically but after awhile I realised that they would continue to learn what they needed to know regardless of how much I stressed, planned or pondered over their curriculum. I also find it so much more exciting to witness their character growth, their developments as people rather than simply their academic achievements. But I’m not going to brag, er write about all that, am I? So, as real life has become more in our lives, the bookwork has taken a backseat.

Privacy

My children’s privacy. Years ago, online, I used to share my children’s narrations and all those other little things that are cute, funny, weird, unusual and make for good blog fodder but as they’ve gotten older I’ve come to see that I need to respect their privacy more. Yes, many people know of my children. Many people know that one of my children was a very late reader…that one struggles with Maths…etc but as they get older, I don’t want other homeschoolers to recognise them as “Susan’s child- the one that struggled with maths“. So, as my children have started to experience more of life and developed their own interests, I have wanted to share but I respect their privacy as well. But also, who really wants to hear about coffee beans, coffee grinding, and roasting as well as milk texturing and pouring all the time?

Developing My Own Interests

The other point is that I have been able to develop my own interests. I have been able to take on my own projects which may or may not be directly related to home education. They are related because home education is a lifestyle but in another sense, they are *my* passion and interest and others will most likely bore of them.

Maybe this is all part of the circle… maybe I’m not meant to stay around forever. I love and appreciate Beverley Paine and her commitment to the homeschooling community and there was a time when I wanted to always be around for supporting the homeschooling community, but I don’t know if it is right for me to do so. Times change, circumstances change, movements evolve…I need to move on too.

I’d love to be as articulate as a dear friend of mine who is beginning to post regularly, but alas my verbosity is nowhere near as rich, concise or relevant as her. If you like to be mentally stimulated, do check out BeyondBluestockings.

So, if you want to hear all about coffee, Air Force Cadets, web design, web tools, Bible study, my latest rants on social issues and what we’re having for tea, feel free to visit my blog as I may decide to post here. Then again, I may not. I don’t know. I just know that I’m not the right person to be raving on about curriculum choices and occupying toddlers. Who knows? Maybe it will all come back to me when I’m a grandma eh?

Natural Consequences Teach Valuable Life Skills

As I posted a few entries ago, I’ve been spending time with friends and extended family and I’ve witnessed some things which really make me think…deeply. I have gone home and spoken with my husband about them. Why do I worry so much about it? Its not so much that I worry, but as my children are getting older I want to teach them about parenting. Sure they’ll learn parenting from being parented but I also want to be more direct in my approach to teaching about it. S I talk to my children about why I parent the way I do.

Some families live so nice and tidy. I know families like this. The homes are spotless with rarely a thing out of place. Wow, my home has never been like that. Sure, everything needs to be clean but things are always out of place in my home. It just can’t be helped with four children and myself living at home, all day every day. I’d go crazy trying to keep it neat and spotless all the time. But I know some families like this. The sad thing is that while the children have every toy imaginable, they aren’t allowed outside to have any free play. Come on, who are we kidding? No matter how bright and colourful the toys are these days, they don’t beat a children learning to make his own toy from materials found in the backyard. There’s just something inventive, and creative and empowering about that…a plastic blue toy with all the bells and whistles can never do that.

My children are rarely sick. They have pretty strong immune systems. They (and I) credit that to all the dirt and worms they ate when they were small. Once I found my 2yodaughter asleep under the house, curled up in a laundry basket! Another time she tasted cat food! But my children played outside a lot… many hours of the day, in the dirt, climbing trees, running, jumping, crawling, rolling and pretending to be whatever games sprang from their imagination. Coming into contact with dirt and worms made their immune system stronger, so we believe. The mothers of the families I referenced above use antiseptic spray all over the house, several times a day, yet their children still get sick. Maybe children are meant to get a few colds and runny noses as youngsters. Maybe it strengthens their systems?

I’m all for protecting our children…(duh, it would be ludicrous to state that I believe otherwise) but I wonder if many parents are taking it way too far? Are we raising the next generation to be soft and namby pamby? These days it is not politically correct to say NO to a child or to tell them anything less than how good they are. Wow, a far cry from what the gospel tells us about man eh?

What doesn’t kill us can make us stronger!

My children were reminiscing the other night about how unsympathetic I can seem. When they were little and they’d fall over and graze their knee, I would barely take a glance and they wouldn’t get a lot of TLC from me. Sounds harsh? Actually, after reading many lovely homeschool/mothering books (which I do like) I often felt very un-maternal. Yet I love my children dearly. They know that. They also know who to go to when they are REALLY hurt- they come to me. I have often said to them that age old adage, “What doesn’t kill us can make us stronger” (My paraphrase) I have witnessed a 2 year old boy, falling over and then run crying to his mother, who will pick him up and make a fuss as though he has knocked a tooth out! Oi voi! What are we doing? I want my children to grow to be strong, capable, competent, independent adults who can live in a fallen world, who have the courage to stand against the flow, regardless of any hurt they experience. I want them to stand up for truth and righteousness! How can I manage to instill this if they don’t experience a little bit of pain (supervised and controlled) in their younger years? I want so much to protect them, to shield them from the harsh reality of life but I can’t do that or be that forever. One day they will venture out on their own. I must remind myself that I am parenting from this perspective as it’s so easy to get up in only the ‘here and now’.

If I want my child to learn responsibility I can teach it from a curriculum. But really what will make more meaningful sense to him is to see that my ACTIONS back up my words. (Actions speak louder than words). Direct teaching needs to go hand in hand with seeing the parent model real life responsibility. Then we need to give an opportunity to the child- an opportunity to take a responsibility. You know what I’ve found? That they will most likely fail! But the great news is that I then get to guide them, to correct them in gentleness! This is when my children have learned the best lessons in responsibility – through failure! I think children need to learn how to accept failure. I tell my children that a failure is only a failure or a mistake only a mistake IF they don’t learn from it. However, they do need to learn the attitude of picking themselves back up and putting one foot in front of the other- to not get down because of that failure. They need to see living reality in my life too. Better that they learn about failure now, while they are still young and I can supervise, guide and control the situation rather than be slap-bang confronted with it as an adult when it is too late to be corrected by ones parents.

Hand in hand with giving them responsibility is teaching them about consequence– and how we can often choose the outcome. Sure children don’t often set out to choose a negative consequence but as a result of their action that is what comes. This empowers them and gives them responsibility – a far cry from the modern epidemic of people blaming everyone else for their actions and circumstances. We’re trying to teach out children to look further ahead than just the action- look ahead to the consequence. Too often today I see parents who don’t teach their children natural consequences. The child doesn’t pick up their dirty clothes and put them into the laundry but why should he? Mother will do it for him. It has been difficult at times, as parents, for we have allowed our children to experience the natural consequence of their actions. If they have not put their dirty dishes in the sink then they were presented with dirty crockery at meal time, which they promptly ran to the sink and scrubbed. But it’s a lesson learned. My children have all had a favourite item of clothing. At times this item hasn’t been available for them to wear when we were going out because they hadn’t picked it up from the floor. Rather than rush off to wash it I said, “Oh well, that’s too bad. Come on, I’ll help you find something else to wear” Not quite the reaction they wanted but it was a lesson learned. I never do for my child that which they are able to do for themselves. The key here is, I believe, to be consistent.

Of course I want to protect my children…to keep them safe but I have to think long term, not short term. Will my actions today be helping them achieve the goals that, as parents who have sought God for direction, have been set before them. These goals are based on Biblical principles and not our hopes and dreams kinda thing. Parenting isn’t about us, per se, it’s about the children.

Ah, there is so much we need to teach our children. But the great part is that developing a relationship with them and teaching them from the best curriculum called Real Life (experience) is what will see them most ready for the adult world.

Oops, once again this post turned into something the size of a small book. Coffee and Tim Tams to any who made it all the way through.

Oh, for some reason the smilies aren’t showing up. There are meant to be a few smilies scattered through this post…to add context. Sorry they’re not there. I don’t have time to muck around and find out where they are.

Any thoughts?

Home Where the Children are the Boss

I like to watch people.

Yup, I even like going to the mall and just observing people, families, singles, children, elderly, anyone. I find it very interesting. I guess I really like people and I like learning how people think and believe and how they behave. These times of observation invariably lead me to times of intense thinking. Tehee, this used to be a bad thing as my head would get into a spin and I’d drive myself nuts. Maybe it’s part of getting older or maybe it’s the effect of the Holy Spirit in my life but I find I’m more able to speak less and be more patient in processing my thoughts before trying to verbalise them.

Anyway, all this to say that I have been observing families and friends lately…some Christian and others aren’t. Some are homeschoolers and others are schoolies. But I have noticed some common trains of thought amongst them…beliefs,actions, that I have learned (and still learning) to deal with and seek a Biblical approach to.

I have a friend. This woman works very hard outside the home, in order to earn money to pay for a private Christian education for her children. She also works very hard within the home to provide a positive and loving home life for the family. Everything she does is for her children. She unpacks their school bag (and I’m talking about a Yr 10 student here!!!) and packs it again with the next days school books. She makes him lunch, washes his clothes, brings him warm milk to tuck him in at bed. She sacrifices a lot in order to provide, what she sees as best, for her child. However, she doesn’t monitor his telephone usage and he has a private line in his room at which he can talk for hours at a time. The teen child seems to rule the roost, not in word but in action.

I have another friend (Wow, 2 ‘IRL’ friends…who woulda thunk it?) who is naturally rather shy. She also enjoys being at home with her younger children. No problems there right? Except that her 2 year old son totally rules the home. This is largely due to the husband’s insistence as he works odd hours and likes his son to be available when he is. This seems to have led to the child not having any routine or any discipline or any guidelines whatsoever. This dear mother cannot even go shopping with him! She must have a sitter for him so she can get groceries as he is such a handful. Oh, they laugh about it and call him ‘cute’ and gave him little pet names but I shudder when I think of what he may become when he is 12 and 22 and not just a 2year old. This young mother desires the very best for her son…she only wants ot please him and to provide the best for him. Much like the mother I mentioned above.

I wonder how our children learn that the world is a much bigger place than their own limited personal experience. I want my children to know that they are fortunate and blessed…I want them to know that the world does not revolve around them! I want them to have a servant’s heart…to serve others…to be always looking outwards rather than inwards. I don’t want them to grow up with the attitude that this world owes them in some way! I wonder how a child can honestly believe that though if they have totally been the centre of their parent’s world…if everything the parent does revolves around the child then what is the message the child is hearing?

I wonder if homeschoolers can be at particular risk of raising selfish children? I don’t have any ‘cut n dried’ thoughts, it’s just something I have pondered. I mean, we mothers stay at home training and educating children rather than pursuing our own career…do we need to tell our children that while we love them to bits, our whole world does not revolve around them? How much of my life have I put on hold…til after the children have grown and left home? Do I have any interests or hobbies or passions that I pursue? What do my children know about me…not just my thoughts on the Bible or child rearing but do they know my likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams? Do my children know that the gospel of Christ is much more important than homeschooling?

Have you noticed a trend toward the idolatry of children? How do you guard against it?

Teaching Character or a Code

A previous post brought forth a few comments. One of those comments was a concern with something I had written about not using the Bible to ‘teach character’. You can read the original post here. I really had meant to address this much earlier than this but time has gotten away from me. Even now, I will be doing a rush job with writing this response but I did want to write before we go on holidays and get back in the New Year. I will try to clarify my thoughts on ‘character’. As always, feel free to agree or disagree. All I ask is that you be polite as you let me know your thoughts. I absolutely love it when people ask me to clarify my thoughts or writing. It helps me to more fully process and consider things. So thanks to Pure and Sensible for bringing her concern to me and asking me to clarify. I really appreciate that.

I previously wrote

I can see some characteristics of God in people: strength, courage, boldness, humility- these are characteristics I want my children to learn?I don’t believe it always has to come only from Scriptures. In fact, I wonder if sometimes that can have a negative affect. I don’t teach my children character traits from the Bible.

Pure and Sensible wrote

Interesting POV. (I personally haven’t read LOTR and unfortunately, I don’t know what FOTR means, but I will keep this in mind as my children get older.) Precious woman of God, I’m mostly concerned and a bit conflicted inside about your thoughts of the Bible and character issues. I’m not saying that I totally disagree with what you said about teaching character traits from people. I love to read fictional stories and biographies for character lessons and use them quite often. And I definitely think that teaching character without modeling isn’t effective, if not useless. But, without the Word of God? You said, “I don’t teach my children character traits from the Bible.” I uphold the Bible as Truth and believe in training up my children using Scriptures. I want to teach God’s ways, not man’s opinions, and the only way to do this is to know Truth (by reading and applying the lessons learned from the Bible – being doers of the Word, not just hearers). God never changes, but man does. I probably just completely misunderstood the point you were trying to make. And I apologize in advance if I am misunderstanding you – I really do not want to offend you. I believe I’ve been to your blog before and have found it quite enjoyable.

I don’t use the word of God to teach a set rules/code of behaviour but I will proclaim the message of God and trust that the Holy Spirit will teach them what He wants to teach them. Their salvation is not dependent upon me teaching every character trait. It is dependent upon God! I can’t teach someone into salvation. What is the point, the goal of teaching the children? Is it that they become fine, moral, upstanding citizens or to usher them into the presence of the Almighty God? Two different issues and two different ways to go about it.

I teach character through modeling- real life- being an example. I use fiction and other good books. I use the lives of other people and other real life situations. I don’t use the word of God but I allow the Holy Spirit to use God’s word to teach me. Sounds like I’m being picky with words? I don’t mean to be…there is a difference.

The Bible is our greatest teacher for all things, including character. No doubt about that. But, how do I present it to my children? How do I learn best in my own life?

I believe that in the younger years, it is more appropriate to teach direct character as a code. Do this, don’t do that, work hard, be generous, be honest, etc. We are teaching knowledge of character and also instilling many character traits as habit. However, older children need to be handled differently. 😉 As do resistant children. I do not have my children copy out passages that deal with a particular character trait. There was a time when I did. But what was my goal? What message was I trying to teach them? The nature of God, and of His great grace or how to please Him by my actions? There was a time when I studied character like that…almost like a mini unit study. I found it was good for me in building knowledge of character but not necessarily wisdom or understanding of that character trait. I guess it comes down to that age old question: Why do you do what you are doing? How are you doing it?

As we read through the Bible, we will come to many direct and indirect character teaching points. Proverbs is a great example of direct teaching. The life of Joseph or Esther is an example of indirect teaching. Proverbs are especially good with young children and also adults who are already desiring to follow God’s word. But, if and when I get to a point where I want to reach a child’s heart…to bring them to the foot of the Cross…to see them come to know the Father God directly for themselves then there is that time when I stop talking about morals and conduct and ‘should do’s’. A time when we focus our learning on the nature of God without learning all about us and our response. The Cross is the power of God unto salvation, not a good, moral, polite, well mannered life. Then again, we also spend more time and energy learning about the nature of God than the nature of man…for it is in understanding the nature of God, and what he has done for us, that we can rejoice! The study of God, the nature of God will, I believe, do more to teach character to our children than any character curriculum.

The path to heaven is not through a moral code. Diligence will not see my child saved into the kingdom of God! No matter how diligent or generous or hard working or honest (or insert relevant trait here) they are. Character will not save a person from their sins. Only the Cross of Christ can do that. So what should I spend more time and energy on impressing upon my children?

I’ll try to give a real life example

We read about the life of Joseph and his many trials. I don’t focus on what character traits he does or doesn’t display at this point. We do see God’s providence in all his life and circumstances but we see this because we have the benefit of hindsight- a panoramic view. Sometimes, we need to try and see this in our own life as well. So at this point, ‘I don’t teach character’. Maybe it’s also good to remember the ages of my children at this point. 😉 Naturally I write from the position of having older girls and I can forget what it was like when I had a house full of toddlers. Something may happen in our life or the life of my child. She might struggle at work with her boss. I might casually say,

“Oh, I’m reminded of Jospeh and how he was in a situation where he didn’t choose to be, yet he was respectful toward his boss nevertheless.” Now that’s all I’ll say! She has studied the life of Joseph. I don’t need to elaborate any more than that. I’m very aware that whatsoever learning my children dig for themselves is often when true understanding occurs, rather than just head knowledge. I’ll plant the seed and allow her to ponder that. I do not have to be the Holy Spirit in her life. He can do that and teach her what He will. I don’t need to lecture her or tell her the same lessons that I have taught her for years…it can just build a resistance or resentment in their heart. But again, this is with my older children. She is nearly 17 and having been homeschooled her whole life, she has had much one-on-one teaching. 😛

Having their heart turned toward me is the most important key. Without their heart, all the character training in the world can still just mean that they’ll rebel against me and/or God, but in an outwardly polite way!:roll: Character must come from the heart. If the message of the Cross, if our salvation isn’t what compels us toward strength and depth of character then what is the point?

How does God parent you? How has your character grown and developed over the years?

Through life experience and drawing nearer to God, learning about His nature or by learning about the how, why, where and when of a character trait? I try to parent my children as God parents me, especially in the years as they are growing more toward adulthood. Knowledge of character is one thing and that can be taught. True depth and strength of character is more caught than taught.

A dangerous notion that I have tried to steer away from presenting (directly or indirectly) is that by our efforts, we can obtain salvation. Because we can’t. We can never go further than or beyond the Cross. It is the centrality of our faith and I don’t want to teach my children any different.

So I assess my teaching: What do I spend more time and effort on teaching? Good character, habits, behaviour or the Cross of Christ? What do the children hear that I believe is most important?

I don’t want to give them the notion that God is a doddery old man, sitting up there somewhere, waiting with a big stick to send me to hell because of my character traits – for the narrow way isn’t about behaviour, manners or character- it’s about the Cross of Christ.

On the other hand, I don’t want to send the message that grace is cheap- because it wasn’t. If it is that cheap, then maybe it isn’t grace at all. So having been shown grace I am free to show grace to others. I am not bound by sin.

I have asked my children, “In your opinion, what do you think is most important to Mum? Homeschooling, God, academics, character, being good, softball, Internet or books?” Well, only try asking your children this if you are brave…you may not like their answers! 😉 😆

Character is all good…but it should also be a fruit of the Spirit- a fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives, not a moral code or set of behaviour that we strive for. Again, it comes down to motive. What is our motive for desiring strong character? If the hope is to please God, then we will fail. If having been shown such great and marvelous grace, we are compelled to display more Christ-like qualities, then let us be imitators of Christ- and this will see us naturally grow in strength and depth of character.

Do you agree or disagree? Why do you do what you do? How does God teach you?

Mother of a Prodigal

Oh Where, Oh Where have I been these last few weeks? I have neglected my blog. But that’s okay. I blog for myself, because I like to write: it helps me to process my thoughts. But I have been busy in the home. I’ve also been going through a difficult time and have felt very dry. You see, I have a child who is going through a time of rebellion against us and against God. Those who know me well will not be surprised to hear this…others may be. If you take a good look over my blog in recent months though, you will probably start to see it.

A few months ago, I thought of an acronym for parents of teens: POTS Parents of Teens. I lamented on how there seems to be a lack of POTS on the homeschool forums. I have spoken to a few POTS over the years and there are a few points that were common to many…points which I am now discovering for myself.

Parenting a teen…

Is many things; from exciting and adventurous to downright difficult. But it’s also a time of growing and relearning for a parent, for this parent. When I was the mother of younger children I was idealistic. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. If we don’t have any standards or values, then we will just go the way of modern culture but it’s necessary to remember what era we live in. We are raising children who will one day be adults in this world…not the era of the 1920’s or the ’70’s but this era. I have faced with some tough decisions over the years…some ideals I have been challenged on and others I have decided to be firm in. Being challenged is not always easy but always valuable. Through it we learn perspective and discernment.

What Is Your Measuring Stick?

I’ve learned that many things I once held dear and stood firm in are not actually rooted in God’s word. Sure they *sound* biblical, pure and noble (and there is nothing wrong with that) but I was holding fast to them as I thought it was God’s word…when in actual fact it can just be popular Christian culture. As fairly conservative Christian homeschoolers, we can often compare ourselves to other Christians and if we are stricter than them, we think we’re on the right path. Often we use the modern day church as our measuring stick. Instead we need to ask ourselves, “What does God’s word say about it?” Am I sure my answer to many teen struggles is based on God’s word, the church or what is socially acceptable?

Know what you believe and why and make sure it is from God’s word, not man.

I sense that many parents with younger children don’t want to hear the reality. The reality that some children, who have been raised to know the Truth, that have been thoroughly loved and respected just resist or worse, rebel against it all. I’ve heard the gazillion reasons of why this is happening…I’ve sensed the often unsaid comments from fellow Christians. I’ve felt eyes on us: as if by observing us people could avoid this happening to them by not making the same mistakes that we made. I’ve had it said that we have been too soft, too harsh, too protective, too liberal, too…, well I’m sure you get the idea. One person says it is because of reason A and another person will say it’s because of reason B, the exact opposite. Not that I actually ask too many people why…however simply being in this position, with a rebellious child, seems to allow many people to offer their opinion.  All the parents that I know of desire the very best for their children (Sure I don’t know everyone and I know that this is not always the case but…). All the parents I know want to train their children to walk in the ways of God…for not only is the way of Truth and Life but the other way is paved with hurt and despair. No one wants that for their children. How helpful is it to look back and analyse every action? Will it change things? Sometimes, children just rebel…for no logical reason. We always want to find a reason, discover why, blame someone or something. But we must not forget the teaching of free will. And, the important thing as parents, is what we do from here…

So I have a child who is in rebellion…who does not believe or hold dear to the values that they were taught…that says they do not believe in God. Yes, this breaks my heart, and her father’s heart. It has also been very difficult to live each day amongst the problems that arise as a result of this conflict of belief. You may well imagine the time, effort, prayer and talks that are needed. Hence part of the reason for my absence. The other part is that this is all personal and there is much I won’t share (it is our business) but even while protecting our privacy I’m not sure the Australian homeschool community is being helped by this denial of rebellion. It just pushes POTS further away.

Refinement

It’s so easy to have all the answers when our children are in grades 5 and 6 or when things are rosy…it’s when the cookie crumbles that the true test of character and faith are tested. That’s when knowledge either becomes wisdom or remains at academic knowledge. A few years ago, while my children were younger, I believed that Proverbs 22:6 was a promise. After studying the passage contextually I now know it is a principle, not a promise. I used to believe that rebellion shouldn’t happen in a Christian home school family. Well, I now know that lots of things happen in this world that shouldn’t. It is called sin. My child has a free will. God gave it to her. She’s not the only one who has exercised her free will, nor will she be the last.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

For those that want to know what formula we’ve followed, I can honestly say there is none- unless you count “There but for the grace of God, go I” as a formula. We have trained, taught, loved, prayed, and laughed with our children. We have made mistakes. We have asked them to forgive us. We have forgiven them. We’ve lived with them and learned with them. You may wish to ask me what or how we’ve parented so that you can formulate a checklist of things not-to-do. Oh, for your children’s sake don’t do this. Applying lists and rules and guidelines in and of themselves are just that – a list. Everything we do needs to be seasoned in grace and only motivated by a deep and sincere relationship with the Lord Jesus.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2: 8-10

Not Parenting from Fear

A couple of friends have asked me why I’m not beside myself with fear.  I know who I was and who saved me. And He’s a big God. I was saved by grace. I couldn’t have saved myself. When (not if, but when) my child gets saved, I want it to the same, through faith by grace. God saved me and I know he has a plan and a purpose for my children and their salvation. It is not for their salvation I fear as I know that God has them in His Book of Life. However, my mother heart grieves and is deeply hurt for the hurts and scars that can occur when living a life without God. But Father God knows them and He knows their heart and the journey they must walk.

God is a God of salvation. Redemption is His business!

So that’s where I’ve been and it’s where I am. I am not perfect. I do not have a perfect family. My children are not perfect. There are sites and blogs where Christian home school parents don’t seem to have any problems. If you’re looking for that, this blog is not the place you’ll want to visit. But if you want to read the posts of a real, imperfect home school mum who loves her family greatly, despite its own shortcomings, then you might want to mosey on through the archives. I say read the archives because I am thinking of closing this blog down for awhile. I blog primarily for myself- as a way to process, clarify and articulate my thoughts. However, I’m becoming aware that not everyone understands my posts and I do not wish to cause anyone confusion. Until I am able to devote more time to learning how to articulate myself clearly I need to take a break.

Rebellious Christian kids often share many similarities. They are blocking God out of their lives, parents annoy them, and family life ticks them off. They are capable of being stubborn, obstinate, argumentative, aloof, and moody. . . And proud of it. They often seem embarrassed by your outward commitment to God and disinterested in your spiritual advice. They are no longer fans of church and Sunday School . . . Truly rebellious kids push away family affection. (pg. 3)

Dr. Tim Kimmel, director of Family Matters a non-profit ministry whose goal is to build strong families for every stage and phase of life. He is the author of many books on the family, including Why Christian Kids Rebel: Trading Heartache for Hope.

Share Your Life With Your Children

Driving in the car…washing dishes…sweeping the floor, preparing a meal…reading a good book…visiting the new neighbour…running errands and paying bills.What do these have in common? These are a few things that I have had opportunity to do this week…to do with my children. And it is through these tasks and delights that I have opportunity to share the good news of God with them.

One of my favourite verses in God’s word is Deuteronomy, chapter 6. I particularly like Chapter 6: but that’s only because of the surrounding verses. The writer of these verses is Moses.

Moses went to Egypt and led the Israelites out of Egypt. They wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years. So close yet so far away from the Promised Land. During all this time the people of Israel had fallen away form the Lord and the teachings of Moses. Moses goes to Mt. Sinai and receives the Commandments from God. I often need to remember why the Law was given. It was given to reveal divine holiness!It showed who God is… His standards of righteousness. When I look at the commandments I can see how far short I have fallen…and how I can never attain adherence to them of myself.

I was intrigued to learn that it took the Israelites about 40 hours to get out of Egypt but it took 40 years for the Israelites to find the promised land- or as I’ve heard is said somewhere before, “It took 40 years to get Egypt out of Israel.” However, the other interesting point is that Moses didn’t get to enter the promised land. Only two of the Israelites who were taken out of Egypt got to enter it and they were Joshua and ‘Master C’ . Al the others had died and there was a new generation.

Just before his death, before the entrance to the promised land, Moses gave a final word of admonition and exhortation or additional instruction. (Interestingly, Jesus also quotes this verse) Moses was their leader. He helped them to live godly lives amongst heathen nations. As THE Word was taught to us, so we must teach it to our children.
God knows that our teachings, lives and beliefs can influence future generations. He wants us to think this way. How many generations can you see in the verses? Three! That means me, my children and my grandchildren!

I’ve heard many people say that they wish there was a handbook or guidebook for this whole parenting caper. But there is!!!!! It is the Bible!

So, what are we to pass down to the generations- to our children. Head knowledge? Well, I believe it can start there but it must be more than that. It must be in our lives. The word must change us. Along with a knowledge of God we must also have a fear of the lord – a love. Otherwise, all we have is religion. I wasn’t raised a Christian although my mother converted before I came to know the Lord so I say that my mother is the first generation Christian. It began with her 🙂 She started to live out her life in God in front of me…and I picked up on that passion. I think that a possible danger for me is that I may become complacent in the living out of my faith and thus my children will become that way or even acknowledge God’s commands but not live in the fear or love of the Lord. Oh Lord, create in me a clean heart…keep my heart drawn to you.

I often ask myself if I am really excited about what God is doing in my life or has done for me? Do I share my walk with them? How are they to ‘catch’ my passion if I don’t share it with them?

Living, loving and learning together…that’s our family!

Teenage Rebellion in the Homeschooling Family

This post was in response to a thread on an email group. The discussion was about the high incidence of teenage rebellion in homeschooled children.

Sadly, I think there is a lot of myth and fear surrounding the teen years, especially amongst home schoolers. We don’t need to stick our heads in the sand and only discuss that which we want to hear- we need to know what is happening.

Big Questions

I believe that there comes a time in everyone’s life where they start to examine and question the big issues of life: why are we here? Who put us here? What happens when we die? Our answer or thoughts to these questions make us do the things we do.

We want to teach our children these things that we have taken on as belief and faith. We do teach them. We homeschool so we can spend more time with our children, building the relationship, instilling values, etc

There comes a time when a child starts to question those big issues of life. That isn’t wrong- it is necessary if one is to grow and be an individual person (a child of God), rather than a sheep. I see this as a transference of faith– where the child may start to take responsibility for their relationship with God. They are able to go directly to God for themselves and not relying upon their mum or dad. (Of course this is when some parents start to get concerned as that relationship may appear different to their relationship with God)

What happens if this taking ownership of faith does not happen? Well, it still may shift but instead of relying upon Mum and Dad’s faith, they may rely upon someone else’s: their boyfriend, husband, pastor, friends, magazine, tv, etc (The enemy is vying for the heart of all and is actively working toward gaining it via any means). They either take ownership of the faith they were raised in or they transfer it and take the beliefs or faith of someone else.

I think that we make a grave mistake in looking for any kind of formula. We think that if we homeschool, then our children will turn out okay. But then we have to homeschool a certain way or it won’t ‘work’. We have to avoid this, avoid that, do this, don’t do that…Oh, it’s all so hard – so many rules.

I believe that many of us deeply believe that there is a formula:

1 child + homeschool = Success

I also believe that many of us believe there is a recipe for failure, and it looks like this:

1 child + school = Failure.

Oh, I know that when we see it written so boldly like that we don?t agree that we think that way but?when it gets down to the heart of the matter it is often what is in our heart.

A Matter of Grace

Raising children is a matter of grace, in my opinion. It isn’t about a formula or a recipe. Whether or not a person realises they’re forgiven and walks in it when they are 15 or 45 doesn’t change the fact that it’s all about GRACE. Salvation is a work of grace and after all, salvation is what most of us desire for our children more so than simply the appearance of right living.

If one does follow recipe number one : 1 child + homeschool = Success, then I have to ask, is it about them and their parenting methods or is it about God’s redeeming grace? We need to know and accept that we cannot obtain our child’s salvation! (Having accepted that we can start getting on our knees)

We can lead them to Him, lead them in the ways of Him…teach them all about Him, and teach them to obey us as parents…but that internal work of the heart – to respond to God and obey Him is not within our control. We are the messenger, the herald who proclaims the message. The onus is on the hearer to hear and obey.

So what can we do?

We can pray! We can proclaim the message unabashedly! We can live by example. We can train in matters of outwardness. And we can hope.

There will come a time in their life when they question what they believe…it might look shaky for awhile but if the foundation is solid (that foundation being the message- the message of the work of the Cross through Christ) then we can be assured that God will indeed graft them into the vine and call them His own. They will start to see this as their faith…their belief and not just that of their parents. This is a most BEAUTIFUL happening!!!! Truly wondrous!

I have met and had the pleasure of knowing a few Christian young people. Young ones who have a desire to serve God, to serve others and have a great relationship with their parents and siblings. Yet, they were not taught at home. They attended schools. Both public schools and private schools. Upon talking to their parent’s, I came to see that there are some common denominators: Relationship, time, love, acceptance, gentleness, firmness, boundaries, laughter, etc.

However, I still think we’re missing something in all this. It’s all too easy to look at family and judge their efforts or judge the fruit by the 16yo. However, I don’t believe that we can or should do that. I have heard it said, and I believe it to be true, that our true test of parenting isn’t seen until we watch how our children parent. How do our children parent our grandchildren? That’s when we see the fruit of our job.

We can’t look at a 15yo, who is mulling over the big issues of life and struggling with it (which can be a normal part of maturing into an independent adult), and judge a family by that! In the same way, we can’t look at a family who has an obedient and God-fearing 16yo and assume that they have it altogether, thereby desiring to emulate their parenting. We don’t know where that person will be when they are 30, once away from the watchful eye of parents and responsible for themselves. So often we look over the operative word in Proverbs 22: 6 “when he is old”, not when he is a teen.

I was speaking to a beautiful elderly man a few weeks ago at church. He had previously preached and I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned things. His son is an assistant pastor at the church (the elderly fellow isn’t a pastor) and preaches…just not quite as deep and insightful as his dad 😉 Anyway, we were talking about parenting and John and I questioned him about his parenting approach, as we usually do when we see the ripe fruit 😉

He encouraged us to do as much with our children as we could- to teach them God’s way, to love them, to laugh with them, to be firm with them and to not get too hung up over the teen years. He found out we home-schooled and was encouraging about that but he just kept saying the same thing:relationship! His children went to public school. I know of others who have sent their children to public school and they have grown to be productive fruits in the kingdom of God, serving Him with their lives.

I believe we’d do much better to study and learn about how God parents us! For He is the ultimate parent! How does he love, teach, guide, command us? What does He expect of us? Then as we relate our parenting from God, we may be parents after His own heart.

So with the whole rebellion thing…gee I went down a garden path there eh?

What do we really mean by ‘rebellion’?

Do we mean that the children haven’t adopted our way of thinking in every aspect…do they not adhere to ‘our’ standards of dress, music, etc or do we mean that they have discarded (turned their back on) the ways of God and His word?

Ah, it’s truly a big question I believe…and one that would be good thought and discussion for Australian homeschoolers as home education continues to grow and develop in this country.

As for me, I’ll keep praying for my children… I’ll keep living according to Micah 6:8. Keep proclaiming the gospel of Christ- salvation by grace through faith. And keep building relationships with them so that when the days of questioning come, they will see the Jesus living in me and know that Jesus is the way.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

Training Children in Innocence or Ignorance?

girl-innocence

In my day-to-day world of homeschooling, I often have cause to remember why we chose to homeschool…what is it exactly we are trying to teach or instil to our children?

Are we raising our children to live in this world as productive members of the community where God has planted them or are we raising them for something else? Like you, John and I live in this world. We are not of this world but we do live in it. We are quite aware of the worldly and sinful acts that are committed each day. We are also aware that Christ died for us while we were sinners. What makes me different from the people down the street who are keeping us awake and having John stay up all night to ward off stray drunkards from relieving themselves on our car? Is it that we are better? More pure? Or is it simply that God revealed Himself to us, and revealed His love to us through Christ the Saviour and that we (after having that revealed to us and having our eyes opened) saw and believed the truths of the gospel? It is the latter.

Some people live in a way that separates them from the mainstream world and this might be right for them, but it isn’t our life, nor the way we believe God would have us live or raise our children. Therefore, if my children are going to go into the world as adults, then they will need to be educated/equipped with skills to handle it. So, as we walk down the road of life we have our children with us all of the time. This has seen them exposed to many, many things which would make some Christians shudder but it fits in with our deliberate and purposed training plan for our children. There are things that we discuss, read and watch that may not be ‘pure’ as such, but we find them to be a beneficial training aid which assists us to work toward our goal.

When it comes to literature, I have tried to either pre-read everything or I go on the advice and recommendations of trusted and respected friends and other parents of whom I know their worldview. This doesn’t always work though. I once took the advice of a friend and allowed ‘Miss A’ to read a book that went against my initial promptings but my friend felt it was suitable for her son and encouraged me to read (a whole ‘nother topic) Once ‘Miss A’ started narrating it to me, I was horrified! Shocked! It introduced concepts that we hadn’t discussed yet… I knew we would discuss them one day but I wanted to be the one to introduce her to those concepts, not a secular author and their worldview. Oh, a battle raged within my own self. Do I stop her reading the rest of the book, and possibly turn her heart against sharing with me or do I allow her to read it but spend a good deal of time in discussion? I chose to do the latter and we actually had some good conversations and many opportunities were raised for me to share our thoughts and views of the world. For me, narration is good but discussion is the best!

Raising children to be kids or adults? The end goal?

We are raising our children to become mature adults. Yet they will live in a time and era like has never been before. This new age of technology and progression opens a whole world of issues such has never occurred in history before. Our children have a task ahead of them that we cannot even begin to comprehend! Oh the strength needed, the responsibility…Whilst we wish to preserve our children’s innocence, this can often mean that they are grown to adulthood yet ignorant. I’m not convinced that this is the best way to raise a child who is required to live in the world. Boys need to develop in strength and character, firmness and masculinity…how do we work toward that? Some thing in life just happen! We can’t shield them from everything and sometimes literature (or well chosen television shows) can be a good way to introduce those hard or difficult concepts to a young person. (In fact, it is here that I may lose some readers)  Science fiction can be good for tackling these type of ethical, moral and social issues in an ‘otherworld‘ setting. Yes, in real life people are tortured, have their eyes gouged out; people do get raped and murdered, run over by cars, commit fornication, etc. (Goodness, I’d have to rip out quite a few pages in their Bible if I didn’t have them reading about the evil acts in the world) In our house, we don’t avoid talking about those things- we discuss them openly as then we are able to teach the children our values and God’s standards and thoughts about it all. But this is part of our ‘innocence not necessarily ignorance plan‘. Are we right? I don’t know. Time will tell. I might not see the fruits of my parenting until I see how my children parent their own children.

I have thought a lot over the last few months about the difference between ignorant and innocent. I will paraphrase but Webster defines ignorant as:

  • Destitute of knowledge; uninstructed or uninformed; untaught; unenlightened.

and it defines innocent as:

  • Free from guilt; not having done wrong or violated any law; not tainted with sin; pure; upright.

 

Offence or defence? Is there a balance?

As a softballer I use analogies that parallel with my sport. When I am coaching a team, it is important the team learns how to bat well and run the bases. This is our offensive game. We spend a lot of time training in this area. We also spend a lot of time in defense… practicing set strategic plays to defend the opposition’s offensive game. I also spend some time in watching and studying the opposing teams. Sometimes, I will send charters over to watch their games and chart the strong or influential players- looking for their strengths and weaknesses. This is an important part of my role as coach. It is necessary that I am aware of their style of play so that I can teach my own team in the ways of suitable defence. As a coach, I cannot afford to be ignorant of the tactics that the other team may use. On the other hand, I don’t need to over stress about them either. This could lead to our own team being ill prepared due to focussing on the other team rather than preparing ourselves offensively and defensively.

I guess it’s a little like that for me with parenting. My children will one day be Out There in the world, without me to help them or make decision for them. I don’t want them to be ill prepared…I want them to be equipped to stand firm in their beliefs and convictions. To do this, I think they need to be aware of the pitfalls and the subtleties of them, else it be easy for them to fall. However, I also want them to be free from the guilt of such things…I don’t desire that they engage in the sinful activities. This is the best way I can try to explain what I mean when I say that part of our parenting plan is to train in innocence not necessarily ignorance. We are raising our children to live in the world yet not be of the world.

Building immunity

I wonder if I can push the limits by talking about another (yet also imperfect) analogy. Knowing that our children will one day be Out There in the world, I also know that they will be exposed to chicken pox and other nasty infections. When they were little, I didn’t put them into a sterile, glass bubble to protect them from all possible infection. Instead, I allowed them to build immunities to low-level pathogens whilst in their environment. Sometimes, they got sick. (Most of my children have had chicken pox). However, by building up their immune system, when they are older and are confronted with more serious possible infections, they will be better prepared to defend themselves. If you know your children will be one day in the world, needing to make decisions for themselves, how are you inoculating them? Are your methods guiding them toward maturity and responsibility, so that they will be capable of making their own wise choices when bombarded by the ways of the world?

Having said all that, I am careful with what our children read and watch. I like to know the worldview or philosophy of the author (not that I have to agree but I need to know so that I can tackle it). I like to know the details of the book. From what position does the author write- for/against? If I’m in doubt, I will pre-read it. If I don’t get time, I’ll research it on the Internet. If I don’t get around to that, I will search the homeschool catalogues and ask on homeschool forums for a review. If I still come up empty-handed, I will err on the side of caution and put the book/movie on the back burner till later.

For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.
Romans 16:19

I do want to reiterate that we don’t blindly allow our children to watch, read, discuss or study sinful or worldly ideas. We are careful in what we choose to expose them to.

If we make every decision for our [older] children, then how is this training them to make wise choices? Sometimes, allowing a child to make a decision which may not be the best, yet in the loving guidance of the family home, can be turned around to achieve some benefit. It can also allow them to develop a sense of responsibility after all, they will not always be under our authority. Are we training them to always be under our authority or to one day be self governed? Some people say that experience is the best teacher. Well, whether or not that is true is beyond the scope of this post but I know I would rather my children learn responsibility in decisions and learn about the world through the controlled ways of literature in our home than by personal experience via immersion once they are adults. That is a rockier and longer path to travel.

If, after reading this, anyone has any questions, please ask me to clarify or send an email. I don’t want to think that I would be encouraging anyone to think that we are careless or thoughtless about our parenting approach.

As always, seek first the Kingdom of God.

innocence-boy

The Recipe for Success

fafrecipes

Aha! I bet that subject line roped you in, eh? We all want to achieve success – successful , godly children right?

I’m learning that my initial thoughts and ideas on things are not always what is deeply in my heart. Over the years, I have been asking God to cleanse me, to reveal my heart that I may surrender it to Him. He has been showing me the darkness of my heart. This is scary on the one hand yet good on another because I know that it is because He loves me that He is doing this work.

We all know that there is no formula for guaranteed success with our children, right? Well, I believe that many of us deeply believe that there is a formula:

1 child +homeschool = Success

I also believe that many of us believe there is a recipe for failure, and it looks like this:

1 child + school = Failure.

Oh, I know that when we see it written so boldly like that we don’t agree that we think that way but…when it gets down to the heart of the matter…

In my opinion, this is way to simple and basic and it is missing some key ingredients of which the main one is Relationships.

I have met and had the pleasure of knowing a few Christian young people. Young ones who have a desire to serve God, to serve others and have a great relationship with their parents and siblings. Yet, they were not taught at home. They attended schools. Both public schools and private schools. Upon talking to their parent’s, I came to see that there are some common denominators.

A love for God. A love for their children. They worked at developing and maintaining a relationship WITH their children. They lived together. Played together. Prayed together. Served together. In fact, they worked quite hard at it all… they were committed to parenting.

Is that me? Am I committed to all of that or am I more concerned or consumed with Math and history?

Oh Lord, help me to see that parenting is bigger than ‘lessons’…bigger than homeschooling…help me to play with my children not just pray with them…to serve them and to serve with them.