Hands up if you have a teen daughter? A few years ago, I was advised to be my daughter’s parent- not her best friend. The advice was given that I need to be her guiding influence and an authority figure. And with that, I do agree! But…
So I tried being more parental…and nearly lost her heart. It wasn’t in the being parental part that nearly did it- it was the imbalance…being one but not the other. Oh, praise the Lord that he did not keep me at that place for long…for He knows my heart and what I desire. He pulled me from that and set my feet upon a path where I could be both parent and best friend.
My 18yodaughter does not have a best friend, besides her father and I. It’s a lonely world out there for a young adult who holds strong values and convictions (and isn’t afraid to speak them!). She has many acquaintances and friends but none who share the same values with similar depth. Well, there are a few other young ladies who do but they are not in close geographical proximity to each other. Therefore, it’s important that I be there for her- to listen to her, to give to her- to be her role model.
Now I have read quite a lot of articles, blogs and magazines that speak of the parent being the parent and not the best friend…how the two cannot be similar. Well, maybe that is true is some situations as I know that all children are different but I do believe that the homeschooling mum can definitely be her daughter’s ‘besty’. Remember I have four other children and that includes our blended family.
Why does it have to be an either/either situation? Maybe it does and I am truly in a unique situation… but I know of others who are in similar situations like the key. My daughter’s heart is turned toward me (and her father) so this allows me to be both to her. I guide her, instruct her, correct her, laugh with her, play with her, relax with her, pray with her, read God’s word with her and discipline her. She accepts it all graciously (albeit eventually). 😉and her daughter. Before she *graduated* my own mum was my best friend. She was and always will be my mother…but she was also one that I loved to share with, to listen to and to spend time with. She was a role model, an authority figure and my best friend. She had my heart. And I believe that’s
We have an understanding that first and foremost I am her mother and this is my God given role…but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have other elements in our relationship. Naturally, this has changed with the age of my daughter. In the early years it was important to establish the boundaries and roles but as the young girls mature and develop to become young women (who are old enough to be married and running their own home but choose to remain at home until that time) I have found it important to accept the natural (creational principles) changes that different ages, stages and seasons bring. With God, all things are possible. There is balance to be found in His wisdom.
I hope no one would take this out of context and become a liberal parent in the hopes of becoming their daughter’s ‘besty’. All family situations are different and each person should seek God and His word for the direction of their own family. If you have any queries on what I’ve written, don’t hesitate to write me or leave a comment.
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Are you your older daughter’s best friend? What activities do you enjoy doing together?
Some good links that I want to share…for the young unmarried ladies: