teens

Training Children to Use Facebook for God's Glory

Facebook Training for Kids from Puritan Reformed on Vimeo.

Many homeschool families do not have an issue with facebook. Their teens don’t care much for it so there’s no problem. But not all homeschoolers are like this. Some homeschool families are very much into technology and social media.

However if, like me, you are going to allow your teens to be involved on facebook, this video gives some very helpful and practical tips for parents.

We have applied the advice he gives in the video. And no, my teens are not perfect and they probably have made a few mistakes. But I am there to see it and guide them through it. For us, this is a much better approach than total avoidance. But that’s us. You might be different.

How about you? Are you ‘friends’ with your teens on Facebook? Do you interact with them on their wall?

Oh! While we’re talking about Facebook, have you ‘liked’ my susanpriolo.com facebook page yet? I post lots of Scripture and interesting links and tid bits to it a few times per week.

Galatians Bible Study with Teens

A commentary with a difference!

Letters to Brian and Daniel is written as letters to two young teenage friends of the author. It is a walk-through commentary on the New Testament book of Galatians. The book is twenty-four studies and it will guide through the book, highlighting the major points that the Apostle Paul was making in his letter to the Christians in Galatia.

There are discussion questions at the end of each chapter to keep focussed on the major points. There are extra Bible references to reinforce the teaching and may help the reader learn about cross referencing.

How We Used It

I used this book with my two boys, aged 14 and 16. It can be used for younger children or for older people who have never read through the book of Galatians, or for new believers. Especially helpful for those parents who are not fully acquainted with Galatians.

The book contains 24 lessons and they can be read through in any manner. They could be read one chapter per day or one chapter per week. We did about 3 chapters per week. There is minimal teacher preparation.

Our Lesson Format

Introduce
Each day I would ask the boys the main points from the earlier lesson. Most times, I simply looked back to the previous lesson’s questions as they emphasise the main points of each passage. Then we would read the passages aloud. The boys took turns in reading aloud from their own Bible.

Digging Deeper
I would read through the chapter in Letters to Brian & Daniel. I emphasised the areas where the author did. Some words or sentences are bold whilst others are in italics. It’s all quite self-explanatory. Not at all cumbersome or confusing.

Examine & Expand
The boys would write a selection of the passage for copywork. I would simply select a key verse or small section from the reading. Often we would just write out the memory verse. This further reinforces their learning. Using the verses or chapter as oratory practice/ recitation would also be helpful.

Apply
We concluded with a short time of prayer.

Phrases & Concepts

Focussing on one book of the Bible at a time is an excellent way to learn. The Holy Spirit revealed a lot to us throughout our study of Galatians. The boys also became familiar with various Christian phrases. Not Christianese but terms and phrases that are constantly referred to in the Bible, especially by the Apostle Paul. I don’t necessarily want my children to be well versed in Christianese but I do want them to understand Paul and the other books of the Bible.

This book is not devotional in nature. The concepts it deals with are meaty. But it is written in a way that even children can understand. There’s no reason not to learn doctrine when there are truth-filled, helpful books such as this. Letters to Brian & Daniel will clearly impart wisdom on the nature of God, the nature of man, the sovereignty of God, salvation, grace, faith, law and freedom.

This handy guide already has discussion questions revolving around the central points of the passage! But don’t be fooled by its simplicity for the concepts examined are heavy. I was quite surprised at the understanding level that my boys displayed, thanks to the Holy Spirit and John Dunn’s book.

This is a fantastic resource for teens, families, small groups, pastors, parents… anyone and everyone who wants to dig into God’s Word.

It may be purchased through Koorong for $5.00 but the publisher offers it as a free download.

I thoroughly recommend this book and a study through Galatians. If you don’t know what to do next for Bible study, why don’t you grab a copy of this book and do it? It’s free. And meaty. Filled with practical nuggets of essential truths. Please let me know if you use it with your family for I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.

What have you been studying with your family?

Home-Based-Learning: Boybarians

A Bible study for teenage boys

Homeschool Boys ~ What is a homeschool? An education… a journey… an adventure… a lifestyle of twists, turns and trails. If your sons are like mine…. they are 4 wheelers and are always heading OFF trail. That is where this site comes in. Find here information and encouragement for moms of boys from a mom of all boys.
I know this ‘mom’ from an online forum. She knows her stuff!

How should we homeschool boys? Anyone who has ever been a parent to a little boy can tell you that they are generally louder, more energetic, and more physical than little girls. So when we homeschool boys, why do we think we can use the same teaching methods that we use for girls?

Homeschooling Boys.com has 3 pages worth of articles that you’ll want to bookmark!

From the above site the blog post, How Boys Learn

Homeschool-Curriclum-For-Life has a page of encouragement

Homeschool-Living.com has a few pages on boys:
http://www.homeschool-living.com/homeschooling-boys.html
http://www.homeschool-living.com/homeschooling-boys-II.html

Suzanne from BlessedAmongMen shares her tips for homeschooling boys

Heart of the Matter Online has a blog post on a day in the life with boys

An insightful discussion took place at Simply Charlotte Mason on homeschooling boys:

Articles by Douglas and Nancy Wilson

Future Men
Hard Work
The Long March
Manners for Boys
Boyish Imagination
Mothers in Proverbs by Nancy Wilson (wife of Douglas Wilson)

No Greater Joy has heaps of posts and articles on raising boys

Books for boys, reluctant readers, and why reading is so important

Homeschooling Boys by Pattie Curran

APlus Homeschooling has a page on boys too

My own few posts on homeschooling our boys

A Few Books

Dangerous Book for Boys
Young Man After God’s Own Heart
Do The Hard Things
Preparing Sons to Provide for a Single-Income Family Steve Maxwell
I Kissed Dating Goodbye Joshua Harris
Raising a Modern Day Knight, Robert Lewis
Future Men, Douglas Wilson
Raising Boys, Steve Biddulph
Wild at Heart, John Eldridge

Do you have any articles, blog posts or worthy books to add to the list?

No Teens Here

There was a time when I banned the word ‘teen’ from our home. Being that the concept of ‘teenagers’ is a relatively new phenomenon we wanted to avoid the whole drama that seems to be synonymous with those teenage years. But you may have noticed that I have changed. I dont’ avoid the word teen. I use it. What changed?

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.

Teen is in the word.

We have never embraced the typical teenage stereotype. It is and excuse to avoid maturity and responsibility and we don’t want to enable that. But being a teenager is more than chronological age… it is an attitude! But a true teenage attitude is a far cry from what society tells us it is. Avoiding a word isn’t going to make an awful lot of difference, in my opinion. Rather addressing the modern attitudes that define a ‘typical teenager’ will.

Today’s typical teenager will:

rebel against their parents and all authority
avoid responsibility
forms stronger ties with friends rather than family
and more. Much, much more.

And we, society, have come to accept this as normal. When and where did our expectation change? Society has adopted such a ridiculously low expectation of teenagers… this isn’t a word, it’s an attitude! We need to have higher expectations for our children during their ‘teen’ years and teach them that they can indeed rebel. They can rebel against the low expectations set by society!

Rather than tell my teens that they ‘can’t do this and they can’t do that’ I tell them what they can do – and the list is so much bigger!

I’ve had my eldest child join The Rebelution and now my 15yods is reading Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations. As my children got older and became teens I’ve tried to spend less time majoring on the words and more time discussing their purpose and possibilties with them. If you want to know more, you can start here with The Myth of Adolescence.

The bottom line for me is to call my children by terms that have high expectations… and after discussing what it truly means to be a ‘teen’ I feel quite comfortable in calling my young adults as ‘teens’. Barb Shelton has an interesting post on this topic. Check it out.

For me, the emphasis is on Concepts, not words. Ideas, not labels. Opportunities not avoidance. Possibilities not fear.

What about you? What terms do you use and why?

Noteworthy Free Bible studies

Further to my post about not profiting from the preaching of the gospel I’d like to highlight a few sites that give free Bible studies suitable for home and family use. There are many more I’m sure but these are some that we’ve used. If you know of others, feel free to leave a comment and share the URL.

Free Bible curriculum for use in the homeschool and family setting!

Calvary Chapel Sunday School lessons have been created for the purpose of supporting and blessing those who minister to children. Excellent!

Bible Class Books are excellent for elementary, OT, NT, Topical studies and character traits. Do check them out. Well worth your time. http://www.bibleclassbooks.com/index.html

Coromandel Baptist has many free resources, including a SS program that can be easily modified for home use.

The Christian Basics series and the Christian Faith series makes a great study for older children/teens.
http://www.corobaptist.org.au/articles/index.html

New Creation Teaching Ministries has many resources which are free…but even if you wish to purchase their books they are sooo cheap, only charging for printing/publishing costs. Help Me to Grow by Rev. Dr John Annells is a bible study for new Christians BUT I suggest that it is also great for teens.

The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus by John R. Cross, from GoodSeed: http://www.goodseed.com/
This fully illustrated, 304-page book is written for adults and teens who know little or nothing about the Bible. It explains in a straightforward way the greatest themes of the Bible, step by step creating an understanding of sin, substitution and atonement. Available chapter by chapter download.

Corresponding free workbook
Corresponding Answer Booklet
Free Audio download of the book

Bible 101 – A Self-Paced Course
It’s been called “the greatest story ever told.” Now the central message of the Bible is brought to life in this eleven-hour online video series. This self-paced course has been adapted from the popular award winning DVD series – The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus.
http://www.goodseed.com/learning/bible-101/

By This Name is was written to give to or teach people who come from a polytheistic or pantheistic background. It is also geared for those who don’t believe in absolute truth, or say things like “That’s true for you but not for me.” Great study for teens!
http://www.goodseed.com/products/btn-eng-book/

The Lamb by John R. Cross
186 page full color book for children that explains the main message of the Bible

EBible Teacher has lessons for the slightly younger children.
Old Testament and New Testament lessons and Books of the Bible

All that the Prophets have Spoken
As the influence of Islam becomes more widespread and you start to meet more Muslims, you want to be able to communicate with them what you believe to be the central message of Scripture. But where do you begin? How do you even start?

And Beginning with Moses
Are you looking for a way to clearly teach the Bible in a world where truth is relative and God is seen as a force? Have you been noticing a shift in our culture and are struggling to know how to share the gospel with this new generation? You want to teach the Bible, but when people don’t even understand who God is, where do you begin? Great for teens!

Sunday School Lessons on the Tabernacle
The following lesson plans have been designed for a Sunday school class or weekly Bible study for adults or young adults. Each lesson, which can be completed in 45 minutes to an hour, includes one or two main biblical passage(s) on which the lesson is based, a short background description, and several discussion questions. Through these lessons, your students will be able to better understand Christ’s redemptive work on the cross and how He fulfilled every aspect of the tabernacle. Our hope is that they will come away with a stronger, clearer and more accurate grasp of the Gospel.

Bible Explorer
Bible Explorer is the fastest and easiest to use free bible study software. Over 2,800 Bible and Bible reference works available!

I’d like to encourage you to use the materials above to teach and instruct your family. If you use the materials, consider donating to the ministries. While this isn’t necessary it will further help spread God’ word. Please don’t fall for the trap that says ‘just because a book costs a few dollars it must be better than the free ones’. It’s just not true.

Super Simple Spiritual Sunday Meme

Super Simple Spiritual Sunday Meme

I used to participate in the SSSS meme but I haven’t for ages. Weekly meme’s just come around far too quickly for me 😀 However, I do like to share links and today is Sunday! So, I’m going to do a SSSS meme again posting some articles or sites I’ve enjoyed over the last week. So here are a few of the sites I’ve gleaned from this month.

I used to tell my children about the dangers and futility of MySpace but what’s a person to do with the supposedly more mature FaceBook? I liked this post from Elizabeth Esther as she explains why she ‘broke up with FB‘.

Seeking to glorify posted about podcasts for kids. If you have younger children these could be very helpful.

Along with my continued learning about evangelism, I found a post by TeacherDave. The video posted on this blog is a clip of an atheist and his thoughts on witnessing or proselytizing. It’s quite interesting. Something in it for all of us, mehtinks.

ChristianAudio: Each month christianaudio gives away a premium audiobook download for free. The way it works? They give away one audiobook download each month totally free, available only during that month, only once – ever.

For those who know of our journey with our , you might also like to read Barbara Frank’s post: Temperamental Teens. Speaking of Barbara Frank…she also has an article on teaching children about personal finance.

Want to instill music appreciation in your High School aged children but don’t know how to go about it? Use this free curriculum from Harmony Fine Arts. You might like to listen to the podcasts and get an idea of how it all works.

Robin has a list of helpful meme’s to participate in, if you want to. Check her list here.

If you like this type of post, don’t forget to view the past ‘.

Self harm? Don't Be Ignorant

Today’s blog post isn’t something pleasant, but it is something that I want to write about…to encourage other parents to be aware of. Self harm, self injury, mutilation, call it what you will.

Teens devise elaborate self-harm
SOME troubled teens are embedding nails, paper clips, bits of rock, glass and even crayons in their bodies as a way to cope with disturbing thoughts and feelings, US researchers say.
Taken from news.com.au

All forms of self harm are shocking. Did you know that there are many forms of self harm? Did you know that even *good kids* can wind up practicing self harm and self mutilation? Just because you are a Christian who homeschools don’t be fooled into thinking that your child could or would never do something like that.

Who self harms

According to some research, girls are seven times more likely to self harm than boys. The behaviour usually starts in adolescence but is also known amongst younger children.

In my experience, self harm can start very young. It doesn’t always look the same but the attitudes, the pain, the inability to deal with guilt, the anger is still present. I’ve known of a child who cannot/will not be smacked by his parents. They say it is because “he is such a sensitive child…” and they went on to tell me that every time he starts to get into trouble or be corrected, he would throw himself onto the floor and bang his head on the floor, thus preventing him from being disciplined by his parents!!! Strangely enough, the mother of said child often has exhibited self harm behaviour. When this person is upset or angry, she will hit her head against a wall repeatedly. This is a grown woman! So, I would say that self harm is something that can start to manifest in young children because it can be an inability to deal with pain, hurt, anger, frustration, etc.

As parents what can we do?

Become informed. Learn to recognise possible warning signs. There is a lot of information available on the Internet, but please exercise caution. There is a lot of pop psychology out there and secular worldviews pervade the ‘behaviour of teens’ industry so please line everything you read up against the word of God.

Observe our children. When they make a mistake, how do they react, cope? How do they deal with being corrected?

We need to teach our children correct Biblical views about guilt, forgiveness, (atonement for sin) shame. Teach them how to deal with and/or express their anger. Teach them/lead them to the Cross for the forgiveness of their sins. Teach them Scripture. Teach them who they are in Christ and what He has done for us. But more importantly, we need to model these things. They will be watching us and learning how we deal with anger and guilt.

Resources:

See my disclaimer policy

The Presbyterian Church in Ireland has a download which is a good starting point.

Self-Injury.org Is an anonymously edited series of pages written by a former female self harmer from a Christian perspective. It gives a comprehensive list of Bible verses which relate to the subject. The author helpfully reviews other resources which have been published and writes personally about her own story.

Secret Shame (self-injury information and resources) This site covers many areas, such as why someone would injure him or herself, information for family and friends, and ways that a self-injurer can help him or herself. It is well documented and contains information from people who injure themselves as well as from books about the subject and other resources.

Christians in Recovery — A Christian recovery ministry containing both Christian and secular information about recovering from abuse, depression, addictions, etc.

But we’re a Christian family!

Yes, even Christians can self harm! Even Christian children can self harm. Hiding away, denying it, trying to avoid the shame and humiliation from other Christians is not going to help the problem…it simply reinforces to the child that denial of sin is the way to deal with it. So, ask for prayer…see your pastor but don’t live with it alone or trying to pretend it can’t be happening.

In His Grace,

Walking By Grace

Some of my readers may remember my where I talked about having a child who is trying to run away from the reality of God. I have shared how heart breaking this is. While it is still hard and every day brings its own challenges I would like to share some of the wonderful lessons I’m learning throughout it all.

I love to proclaim God’s grace- oh, that He should save a wretch like me and pour out His mercy, love and forgiveness upon me…me who is so undeserving. I am so aware that there is nothing I can do to earn God’s favour or His love. In fact, any of my attempts at being righteous are just as filthy rags. They are contrary to the good news of the work of the Cross. Early on in my conversion God revealed His grace. Grace is the middle name of one of my daughter’s. Grace is almost indescribable; too extraordinary. But I am thankful for His grace. I’m also thankful that while I am going through such daily heartbreak with one of my children, He has shown me more of Himself…more of what it means to live *in grace* and live *by grace*.

Every day I experience what it means to ‘live by the law’ or live by rules. Alternately, every day I also experience what it means to live in fullness of grace. How can this be? Oh, anyone who has lived with an unsaved person will probably know what I mean.

In an earlier post, I touched upon living by certain acceptable rules. You know, conduct becoming of good Christian homeschooling families. 😉 There seems to be certain codes of what is acceptable or not amongst homeschoolers. There is good behaviour and not-good behaviour. There are good activities and not-good activities.

I’ve been reassessing why I do what I do and why I don’t do certain things. Is my lifestyle determined by the rules of my faith? (Or acceptable Christian conduct) Or is my lifestyle determined by my relationship with Jesus Christ?

How about you? Have you stopped doing certain things since beginning to homeschool? Have your reasons been because of rules (being convinced by others) or by relationship with Christ and His transforming power?

Where Are the Parents of Teens?

My days have seemed, at times, to drag on while the years have just flown by!

I often wondered why there weren’t many parents of teens around the forums. I wanted to glean from them but they often weren’t around and if they were, they didn’t seem to be talking about the same kind of homeschooling messages that I wanted to hear.

Now, I think I am one of them. I love to talk and write about what we’re doing but a few things things roam through my head.

Life is an Education – Life Happens

Bookwork, lessons and learning just quietly potter along in the background- automatic pilot. I used to get so excited over teaching the children and then seeing them make connections and grow academically but after awhile I realised that they would continue to learn what they needed to know regardless of how much I stressed, planned or pondered over their curriculum. I also find it so much more exciting to witness their character growth, their developments as people rather than simply their academic achievements. But I’m not going to brag, er write about all that, am I? So, as real life has become more in our lives, the bookwork has taken a backseat.

Privacy

My children’s privacy. Years ago, online, I used to share my children’s narrations and all those other little things that are cute, funny, weird, unusual and make for good blog fodder but as they’ve gotten older I’ve come to see that I need to respect their privacy more. Yes, many people know of my children. Many people know that one of my children was a very late reader…that one struggles with Maths…etc but as they get older, I don’t want other homeschoolers to recognise them as “Susan’s child- the one that struggled with maths“. So, as my children have started to experience more of life and developed their own interests, I have wanted to share but I respect their privacy as well. But also, who really wants to hear about coffee beans, coffee grinding, and roasting as well as milk texturing and pouring all the time?

Developing My Own Interests

The other point is that I have been able to develop my own interests. I have been able to take on my own projects which may or may not be directly related to home education. They are related because home education is a lifestyle but in another sense, they are *my* passion and interest and others will most likely bore of them.

Maybe this is all part of the circle… maybe I’m not meant to stay around forever. I love and appreciate Beverley Paine and her commitment to the homeschooling community and there was a time when I wanted to always be around for supporting the homeschooling community, but I don’t know if it is right for me to do so. Times change, circumstances change, movements evolve…I need to move on too.

I’d love to be as articulate as a dear friend of mine who is beginning to post regularly, but alas my verbosity is nowhere near as rich, concise or relevant as her. If you like to be mentally stimulated, do check out BeyondBluestockings.

So, if you want to hear all about coffee, Air Force Cadets, web design, web tools, Bible study, my latest rants on social issues and what we’re having for tea, feel free to visit my blog as I may decide to post here. Then again, I may not. I don’t know. I just know that I’m not the right person to be raving on about curriculum choices and occupying toddlers. Who knows? Maybe it will all come back to me when I’m a grandma eh?

Physical activity and boys

Awhile ago I mentioned that ‘Master J’ had joined Air Force cadets. what I hadn’t mentioned is how it all came about. I find it quite an interesting story…I’d love to hear of your *boy* stories if you’d like to share.

About one year ago, DH and I spoke together about trying to encourage ‘Master J’ to find an interest to pursue – something other than the computer! He was in no hurry to find any interests. Hmmm, we could see he needed a little incentive.

So we truthfully told him that if he could not find an activity to try we would find one for him. This didn’t really bother him, at first, until he realised what we were getting at. we didn’t put too many rules on the activity except I wanted something that was:

1) Physical. I believe it is important for boys (boys entering puberty and growing to be young men) to exercise, build strong muscles and bones, learn to adjust to their growing strength and become comfortable in their developing bodies. It also helps to burn off all that extra energy that comes with being a hormone laden boy.

2) I wanted something that required a little bit of daily practice- whether or not it be physical or mental but he needed to have something to do each day.

All the other wonderful things that I wanted him to learn can happen through many activities so I don’t even bother to list them but I would have been very happy if his chosen activity was not a sport. I think, particularly for boys, a sport can be a very good thing but it can also have some negatives, especially if not dealt with vigilantly. Sport can create an appetite that isn’t conducive to a happy family life later on…it can be very time consuming, a bottomless money pit and can even see a man being away from his wife for extended periods of time so while I thoroughly believe that sport, especially team sport, can be a good thing, it also has many points that need to be carefully weighed and measured.

We gave him 3 months in which to find an activity, and find out all the information needed to join or else we would sign him up to an activity of our choosing- one which he may not like but would be most convenient for us. There was a ballet studio just down the road and ballet would also fulfil my two requirements. (Convenience is not a factor for us usually. If a child desires to do something and pursues it diligently then we will do whatever is necessary to facilitate and support them but if they’re just being slackers then we give them likewise support yet try to be a living example in our own lives).

Well, we have never seen a child run so fast to the Internet and research, research, research! He spent a few hours looking for things to do!!! Anything…to avoid ballet.

However, as is quite typical with our family, we weren’t able to follow through with our plans as within 2 days we had been told that we were moving interstate again! Okay, so that whole plan went down the drain. ‘Master J’ smirked in delight, thinking he had escaped and could quietly sneak back to his favourite position on the computer.

After moving and staying in apartments for a few months, we finally learned what area we’d be staying in and guess what…yup, there was a ballet school not too far away! So, the deal was back on. Postponed a little but back on, nevertheless! Suffice to say that ‘Master J’ quickly found an activity.

He has joined the Air Force Cadets. I think he takes after his father as he seems to have the attitude and makings of an excellent soldier. He is very diligent in all matters relating to cadets. It has even motivated him to be more diligent with his lessons!! Hey, that’s gotta be a good thing eh?

Through cadets I have been able to teach him how to iron his uniforms, which he completely does all by himself now- from washing, drying and ironing, even mending, which his father had to do teach him. He polishes his boots weekly and he practises his drill daily. He even drills ‘Master C’ , who just soaks it all up.

Oh, did I mention table manners and general manners? He’s always been fairly good with manners but he has been a stickler for excellent manners lately- he’s even corrected me at the meal table! Apparently I was passing the salt around the table the wrong way. 😉 (One should pass always to the right, y’know?)

He has done his recruit course and had his first bivouac ( weekend out bush) and loved it! However more than him having fun, I have seen him grow and develop as a male. It’s great! He’s growing in responsibility, manners, work ethic, and all those other character traits that we want to see in our children. He is learning the value of team work – that the world is bigger than him and that the way to achieve is to give of oneself, etc. He’s learning the all important lesson of consequences…and of reaping and sowing.

Ah, I am one happy mama. How about you? Have you found it beneficial or necessary to get boys involved in something phyiscal? What did you do? I’d love to hear of your positive and/or negative stories of life with your boys.

More Parenting Myths

Some readers may remember my heartfelt posts I wrote last year. Dana, from Living Stones, has been known to visit this blog and I’m a regular reader of her encouraging blog. Recently she wrote a few posts that I really wanted to highlight. Her first was ‘Teenagers- Letting go so God can work‘ and the next one is ‘Teenagers-welcoming them home‘

Over the years I have battled The Myths – the myths of parenting, of homeschooling, of homemaking, of being a Proverbs 31 woman, etc. Many times I have been left feeling exposed or vulnerable from sharing my life as I do not strive to live up to expectations set by religion or man or even my perception of God’s expectations!

I hate the myths! They don’t serve us or compel us toward godliness. They stifle us, hurt us, heap condemnation upon us and do ugly things to our mind… yet so often we persist in perpetuating these myths. Why? Because of fear. We’re scared that other’s will see us as the not-so-perfect family or whatever. Ultimately, I think the motive is fear. But the opposite of fear is love, power and a sound mind. Oh many myths sound gucci; so much so that we desire them but they are not based on sound reason or even from love but from a desire to appear good. Oi voi! What a mess. We need to continually be lining our hearts up against God’s word and applying His truths to our whole lives- even our parenting lives and our homeschooling lives!

Anyway, I’ll leave you to visit Dana’s site and to seek God.

A Day In The Life of Our Unschooling Teen

Leonie posted a day in the life of her unschooled teen. I enjoyed reading it so thought I’d ask ‘Eldest Daughter’s’ permission to write her day. Some days are similar to this and other days are completely different to this. Now she is working again, (she had to leave her other job to relocate to SA) our rhythm is changing again. It’s been fantastic to have her home with me full time and we did make the most of it knowing that she’d go back to work soon.

She awoke at 7am and did some stretching and then when straight into her morning workout. Today was resistance training using free weights. Then she made herself an omelette for breakfast. She did a quick check of her online forums and email. And yes, she can actually do a brief check, unlike me! Then, she went off to clean her room and get ready for work. She then came out and did some research reading on the subject of coffee and beans and then wrote on her blog about it. This of course, led to her experimenting with our machine to get the ‘perfect crema’ from the espresso. While she was there she made the rest of us cappuccino’s and hot chocolate for the boys while we sat and talked about…coffee! We were talking about making our own blends and what particular roasts are good to blend.

Then it was time to go to work. She starts at 12pm but we needed to zip over to the coffee shop and buy some freshly roasted beans…I dropped her off at work a few minutes early so we had 15 minutes to sit for and talk. This was a short chat but we girls can get straight to the heart of the matter, discussing emotionally deep and personal issues. I love these chats and she loves to hear my thoughts on things and she mostly wants to hear what the Bible has to say on the many things that go through her mind. Today she has a 4 hour shift so she’ll finish at 4pm. While on the way back home I got a call from the school. ‘Younger daughter’ isn’t well and I stop off at the school to pick the poor poppit up and bring her home.

Meanwhile, the boys had tended to their morning chores and did some reading and while I was zipping ‘Eldest Daughter’ to work they found the family tent and set it up. This is a large tent and it took them awhile but they want to ‘camp out’ tonight. 🙂 So Younger Daughter and I arrived home – we all regroup and then have lunch. (1pm)

(4.30pm) John (dh) picked ‘Eldest Daughter’up while on his way home from work and they arrive home by 5pm, by which time I have the cappuccino machine ready to pour all the coffee’s and we sit together and discuss everyone’s day. ‘Eldest Daughter’ does another quick check of her email & Internet (and is totally excited as she receives an email from a good friend who wants to come and stay for a few days- a friend from Brisbane. She responds excitedly) Then she helps with setting the table and meal preparation, all the while involved in family discussion. Our tea times are always loud and rowdy with most of us giving our opinion on anything and everything. I was fairly organised so there wasn’t an awful mess to clean up after tea. All the children contribute toward cleaning up. This is great but it’s awfully noisy!

After tea, ‘Eldest Daughter’ popped on the treadmill and did a 30min cardio workout. She listened to some praise music while running and then comes out to tell me some thoughts she’s been having about a scripture. Then she sat with me and we watched some TV while surfing the ‘net on her laptop. She’s heavily researching and learning about coffee and barista work as this is an area she wants to go further in. She is tinkering with the idea of one day opening up her own coffee shop. She talks to me incessantly about her dreams, ideas and passions. We laugh together at the sometimes corniness of it all…but it’s what we do. It’s what makes us have such a close relationship. We live together, laugh together, dream together and sometimes, cry together.

She headed off to bed with a good book (she’s on book 5 in the Gods and Kings series). Problem is; she often stays awake until the early hours reading these good books! But these books have been such a source of inspiration and knowledge…we speak about it frequently and share our learning from these books.

‘Eldest Daughter’ is mostly self managed but she likes me to be involved. I don’t mind because I know that she is an independent learner and capable person but she simply *likes* to have me around. Today she didn’t do any fitness reading and writing but on another day she will. She also didn’t do any of the Business Maths that she has on the go but she will at another time. Another day she will do Bible study and/or cook a family meal or go and do the shopping or help me with the housework or do some work with the boys. Each day is different but is packed with learning activities. Her days simply don’t look like a structured schooly system…but I know she is learning and she knows it too. It works well for her and for us as a family. The day doesn’t sound that interesting or exciting and truth is, it probably isn’t. It’s the relationships within the day that make it all worthwhile…the manner in which she lives her day- full of purpose, knowing that she is operating in and developing her passions and God given talents, while strengthening her weaknesses. I’ve found that over the course of the semester or the year she delves into most, if not all, subject areas. She has grown as a person, as a daughter of the King. And in the end, we’re all thankful for the ability and opportunity to be home-based-learners.

What about you? Care to share a day in the life of your teen? (With their permission, of course)

‘Eldest Daughter’ is 17
‘Younger daughter’ is 15 and a half
Boys are 13 and 10

Our unschooling teen: day in the life of…

Leonie posted a day in the life of her unschooled teen. I enjoyed reading it so thought I’d ask ‘Miss A’ ‘s permission to write her day. Some days are similar to this and other days are completely different to this. Now she is working again, (she had to leave her other job to relocate to SA) our rhythm is changing again. It’s been fantastic to have her home with me full time and we did make the most of it knowing that she’d go back to work soon.

Then it was time to go to work. She starts at 12pm but we needed to zip over to the coffee shop and buy some freshly roasted beans…I dropped her off at work a few minutes early so we had 15 minutes to sit for and talk. This was a short chat but we girls can get straight to the heart of the matter, discussing emotionally deep and personal issues. I love these chats and she loves to hear my thoughts on things and she mostly wants to hear what the Bible has to say on the many things that go through her mind. Today she has a 4 hour shift so she’ll finish at 4pm. While on the way back home I got a call from the school. ‘Miss R’ isn’t well and I stop off at the school to pick the poor poppit up and bring her home.

Meanwhile, the boys had tended to their morning chores and did some reading and while I was zipping ‘Miss A’ to work they found the family tent and set it up. This is a large tent and it took them awhile but they want to ‘camp out’ tonight. 🙂 So ‘Miss R’ I arrived home – we all regroup and then have lunch. (1pm)

(4.30pm) John (dh) picked ‘Miss A’ up while on his way home from work and they arrive home by 5pm, by which time I have the cappuccino machine ready to pour all the coffee’s and we sit together and discuss everyone’s day.’Miss A’ does another quick check of her email & Internet (and is totally excited as she receives an email from a good friend who wants to come and stay for a few days- a friend from Brisbane. She responds excitedly) Then she helps with setting the table and meal preparation, all the while involved in family discussion. Our tea times are always loud and rowdy with most of us giving our opinion on anything and everything. I was fairly organised so there wasn’t an awful mess to clean up after tea. All the children contribute toward cleaning up. This is great but it’s awfully noisy!

After tea, ‘Miss A’ popped on the treadmill and did a 30min cardio workout. She listened to some praise music while running and then comes out to tell me some thoughts she’s been having about a scripture. Then she sat with me and we watched some TV while surfing the ‘net on her laptop. She’s heavily researching and learning about coffee and barista work as this is an area she wants to go further in. She is tinkering with the idea of one day opening up her own coffee shop. She talks to me incessantly about her dreams, ideas and passions. We laugh together at the sometimes corniness of it all…but it’s what we do. It’s what makes us have such a close relationship. We live together, laugh together, dream together and sometimes, cry together.

‘Miss A’ is mostly self managed but she likes me to be involved. I don’t mind because I know that she is an independent learner and capable person but she simply *likes* to have me around. Today she didn’t do any fitness reading and writing but on another day she will. She also didn’t do any of the Business Maths that she has on the go but she will at another time. Another day she will do Bible study and/or cook a family meal or go and do the shopping or help me with the housework or do some work with the boys. Each day is different but is packed with learning activities. Her days simply don’t look like a structured schooly system…but I know she is learning and she knows it too. It works well for her and for us as a family. The day doesn’t sound that interesting or exciting and truth is, it probably isn’t. It’s the relationships within the day that make it all worthwhile…the manner in which she lives her day- full of purpose, knowing that she is operating in and developing her passions and God given talents, while strengthening her weaknesses. I’ve found that over the course of the semester or the year she delves into most, if not all, subject areas. She has grown as a person, as a daughter of the King. And in the end, we’re all thankful for the ability and opportunity to be home-based-learners.

What about you? Care to share a day in the life of your teen? (With their permission, of course)

Mother of a Prodigal

Oh Where, Oh Where have I been these last few weeks? I have neglected my blog. But that’s okay. I blog for myself, because I like to write: it helps me to process my thoughts. But I have been busy in the home. I’ve also been going through a difficult time and have felt very dry. You see, I have a child who is going through a time of rebellion against us and against God. Those who know me well will not be surprised to hear this…others may be. If you take a good look over my blog in recent months though, you will probably start to see it.

A few months ago, I thought of an acronym for parents of teens: POTS Parents of Teens. I lamented on how there seems to be a lack of POTS on the homeschool forums. I have spoken to a few POTS over the years and there are a few points that were common to many…points which I am now discovering for myself.

Parenting a teen…

Is many things; from exciting and adventurous to downright difficult. But it’s also a time of growing and relearning for a parent, for this parent. When I was the mother of younger children I was idealistic. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. If we don’t have any standards or values, then we will just go the way of modern culture but it’s necessary to remember what era we live in. We are raising children who will one day be adults in this world…not the era of the 1920’s or the ’70’s but this era. I have faced with some tough decisions over the years…some ideals I have been challenged on and others I have decided to be firm in. Being challenged is not always easy but always valuable. Through it we learn perspective and discernment.

What Is Your Measuring Stick?

I’ve learned that many things I once held dear and stood firm in are not actually rooted in God’s word. Sure they *sound* biblical, pure and noble (and there is nothing wrong with that) but I was holding fast to them as I thought it was God’s word…when in actual fact it can just be popular Christian culture. As fairly conservative Christian homeschoolers, we can often compare ourselves to other Christians and if we are stricter than them, we think we’re on the right path. Often we use the modern day church as our measuring stick. Instead we need to ask ourselves, “What does God’s word say about it?” Am I sure my answer to many teen struggles is based on God’s word, the church or what is socially acceptable?

Know what you believe and why and make sure it is from God’s word, not man.

I sense that many parents with younger children don’t want to hear the reality. The reality that some children, who have been raised to know the Truth, that have been thoroughly loved and respected just resist or worse, rebel against it all. I’ve heard the gazillion reasons of why this is happening…I’ve sensed the often unsaid comments from fellow Christians. I’ve felt eyes on us: as if by observing us people could avoid this happening to them by not making the same mistakes that we made. I’ve had it said that we have been too soft, too harsh, too protective, too liberal, too…, well I’m sure you get the idea. One person says it is because of reason A and another person will say it’s because of reason B, the exact opposite. Not that I actually ask too many people why…however simply being in this position, with a rebellious child, seems to allow many people to offer their opinion. All the parents that I know of desire the very best for their children (Sure I don’t know everyone and I know that this is not always the case but…). All the parents I know want to train their children to walk in the ways of God…for not only is the way of Truth and Life but the other way is paved with hurt and despair. No one wants that for their children. How helpful is it to look back and analyse every action? Will it change things? Sometimes, children just rebel…for no logical reason. We always want to find a reason, discover why, blame someone or something. But we must not forget the teaching of free will. And, the important thing as parents, is what we do from here…

So I have a child who is in rebellion…who does not believe or hold dear to the values that they were taught…that says they do not believe in God. Yes, this breaks my heart, and her father’s heart. It has also been very difficult to live each day amongst the problems that arise as a result of this conflict of belief. You may well imagine the time, effort, prayer and talks that are needed. Hence part of the reason for my absence. The other part is that this is all personal and there is much I won’t share (it is our business) but even while protecting our privacy I’m not sure the Australian homeschool community is being helped by this denial of rebellion. It just pushes POTS further away.

Refinement

It’s so easy to have all the answers when our children are in grades 5 and 6 or when things are rosy…it’s when the cookie crumbles that the true test of character and faith are tested. That’s when knowledge either becomes wisdom or remains at academic knowledge. A few years ago, while my children were younger, I believed that Proverbs 22:6 was a promise. After studying the passage contextually I now know it is a principle, not a promise. I used to believe that rebellion shouldn’t happen in a Christian home school family. Well, I now know that lots of things happen in this world that shouldn’t. It is called sin. My child has a free will. God gave it to her. She’s not the only one who has exercised her free will, nor will she be the last.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

For those that want to know what formula we’ve followed, I can honestly say there is none- unless you count “There but for the grace of God, go I” as a formula. We have trained, taught, loved, prayed, and laughed with our children. We have made mistakes. We have asked them to forgive us. We have forgiven them. We’ve lived with them and learned with them. You may wish to ask me what or how we’ve parented so that you can formulate a checklist of things not-to-do. Oh, for your children’s sake don’t do this. Applying lists and rules and guidelines in and of themselves are just that – a list. Everything we do needs to be seasoned in grace and only motivated by a deep and sincere relationship with the Lord Jesus.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2: 8-10

Not Parenting from Fear

A couple of friends have asked me why I’m not beside myself with fear. I know who I was and who saved me. And He’s a big God. I was saved by grace. I couldn’t have saved myself. When (not if, but when) my child gets saved, I want it to the same, through faith by grace. God saved me and I know he has a plan and a purpose for my children and their salvation. It is not for their salvation I fear as I know that God has them in His Book of Life. However, my mother heart grieves and is deeply hurt for the hurts and scars that can occur when living a life without God. But Father God knows them and He knows their heart and the journey they must walk.

God is a God of salvation. Redemption is His business!

So that’s where I’ve been and it’s where I am. I am not perfect. I do not have a perfect family. My children are not perfect. There are sites and blogs where Christian home school parents don’t seem to have any problems. If you’re looking for that, this blog is not the place you’ll want to visit. But if you want to read the posts of a real, imperfect home school mum who loves her family greatly, despite its own shortcomings, then you might want to mosey on through the archives. I say read the archives because I am thinking of closing this blog down for awhile. I blog primarily for myself- as a way to process, clarify and articulate my thoughts. However, I’m becoming aware that not everyone understands my posts and I do not wish to cause anyone confusion. Until I am able to devote more time to learning how to articulate myself clearly I need to take a break.

Rebellious Christian kids often share many similarities. They are blocking God out of their lives, parents annoy them, and family life ticks them off. They are capable of being stubborn, obstinate, argumentative, aloof, and moody. . . And proud of it. They often seem embarrassed by your outward commitment to God and disinterested in your spiritual advice. They are no longer fans of church and Sunday School . . . Truly rebellious kids push away family affection. (pg. 3)

Dr. Tim Kimmel, director of Family Matters a non-profit ministry whose goal is to build strong families for every stage and phase of life. He is the author of many books on the family, including Why Christian Kids Rebel: Trading Heartache for Hope.

Teenage Rebellion in the Homeschooling Family

This post was in response to a thread on an email group. The discussion was about the high incidence of teenage rebellion in homeschooled children.

Sadly, I think there is a lot of myth and fear surrounding the teen years, especially amongst home schoolers. We don’t need to stick our heads in the sand and only discuss that which we want to hear- we need to know what is happening.

Big Questions

I believe that there comes a time in everyone’s life where they start to examine and question the big issues of life: why are we here? Who put us here? What happens when we die? Our answer or thoughts to these questions make us do the things we do.

We want to teach our children these things that we have taken on as belief and faith. We do teach them. We homeschool so we can spend more time with our children, building the relationship, instilling values, etc

There comes a time when a child starts to question those big issues of life. That isn’t wrong- it is necessary if one is to grow and be an individual person (a child of God), rather than a sheep. I see this as a transference of faith– where the child may start to take responsibility for their relationship with God. They are able to go directly to God for themselves and not relying upon their mum or dad. (Of course this is when some parents start to get concerned as that relationship may appear different to their relationship with God)

What happens if this taking ownership of faith does not happen? Well, it still may shift but instead of relying upon Mum and Dad’s faith, they may rely upon someone else’s: their boyfriend, husband, pastor, friends, magazine, tv, etc (The enemy is vying for the heart of all and is actively working toward gaining it via any means). They either take ownership of the faith they were raised in or they transfer it and take the beliefs or faith of someone else.

I think that we make a grave mistake in looking for any kind of formula. We think that if we homeschool, then our children will turn out okay. But then we have to homeschool a certain way or it won’t ‘work’. We have to avoid this, avoid that, do this, don’t do that…Oh, it’s all so hard – so many rules.

I believe that many of us deeply believe that there is a formula:

1 child + homeschool = Success

I also believe that many of us believe there is a recipe for failure, and it looks like this:

1 child + school = Failure.

Oh, I know that when we see it written so boldly like that we don?t agree that we think that way but?when it gets down to the heart of the matter it is often what is in our heart.

A Matter of Grace

Raising children is a matter of grace, in my opinion. It isn’t about a formula or a recipe. Whether or not a person realises they’re forgiven and walks in it when they are 15 or 45 doesn’t change the fact that it’s all about GRACE. Salvation is a work of grace and after all, salvation is what most of us desire for our children more so than simply the appearance of right living.

If one does follow recipe number one : 1 child + homeschool = Success, then I have to ask, is it about them and their parenting methods or is it about God’s redeeming grace? We need to know and accept that we cannot obtain our child’s salvation! (Having accepted that we can start getting on our knees)

We can lead them to Him, lead them in the ways of Him…teach them all about Him, and teach them to obey us as parents…but that internal work of the heart – to respond to God and obey Him is not within our control. We are the messenger, the herald who proclaims the message. The onus is on the hearer to hear and obey.

So what can we do?

We can pray! We can proclaim the message unabashedly! We can live by example. We can train in matters of outwardness. And we can hope.

There will come a time in their life when they question what they believe…it might look shaky for awhile but if the foundation is solid (that foundation being the message- the message of the work of the Cross through Christ) then we can be assured that God will indeed graft them into the vine and call them His own. They will start to see this as their faith…their belief and not just that of their parents. This is a most BEAUTIFUL happening!!!! Truly wondrous!

I have met and had the pleasure of knowing a few Christian young people. Young ones who have a desire to serve God, to serve others and have a great relationship with their parents and siblings. Yet, they were not taught at home. They attended schools. Both public schools and private schools. Upon talking to their parent’s, I came to see that there are some common denominators: Relationship, time, love, acceptance, gentleness, firmness, boundaries, laughter, etc.

However, I still think we’re missing something in all this. It’s all too easy to look at family and judge their efforts or judge the fruit by the 16yo. However, I don’t believe that we can or should do that. I have heard it said, and I believe it to be true, that our true test of parenting isn’t seen until we watch how our children parent. How do our children parent our grandchildren? That’s when we see the fruit of our job.

We can’t look at a 15yo, who is mulling over the big issues of life and struggling with it (which can be a normal part of maturing into an independent adult), and judge a family by that! In the same way, we can’t look at a family who has an obedient and God-fearing 16yo and assume that they have it altogether, thereby desiring to emulate their parenting. We don’t know where that person will be when they are 30, once away from the watchful eye of parents and responsible for themselves. So often we look over the operative word in Proverbs 22: 6 “when he is old”, not when he is a teen.

I was speaking to a beautiful elderly man a few weeks ago at church. He had previously preached and I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned things. His son is an assistant pastor at the church (the elderly fellow isn’t a pastor) and preaches…just not quite as deep and insightful as his dad 😉 Anyway, we were talking about parenting and John and I questioned him about his parenting approach, as we usually do when we see the ripe fruit 😉

He encouraged us to do as much with our children as we could- to teach them God’s way, to love them, to laugh with them, to be firm with them and to not get too hung up over the teen years. He found out we home-schooled and was encouraging about that but he just kept saying the same thing:relationship! His children went to public school. I know of others who have sent their children to public school and they have grown to be productive fruits in the kingdom of God, serving Him with their lives.

I believe we’d do much better to study and learn about how God parents us! For He is the ultimate parent! How does he love, teach, guide, command us? What does He expect of us? Then as we relate our parenting from God, we may be parents after His own heart.

So with the whole rebellion thing…gee I went down a garden path there eh?

What do we really mean by ‘rebellion’?

Do we mean that the children haven’t adopted our way of thinking in every aspect…do they not adhere to ‘our’ standards of dress, music, etc or do we mean that they have discarded (turned their back on) the ways of God and His word?

Ah, it’s truly a big question I believe…and one that would be good thought and discussion for Australian homeschoolers as home education continues to grow and develop in this country.

As for me, I’ll keep praying for my children… I’ll keep living according to Micah 6:8. Keep proclaiming the gospel of Christ- salvation by grace through faith. And keep building relationships with them so that when the days of questioning come, they will see the Jesus living in me and know that Jesus is the way.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8