I will never send my children to a public school.
Our children will not ‘date’… they will ‘court’.
We will never eat… pork.
We will never sing choruses.
I will never have XYZ [insert medical procedure] done.
We will never use workbooks in our homeschool.
No child of ours would ever disobey me. Our girls will never wear shorts, pants, t-shirts, etc.
My child will never do drugs, drink alcohol, smoke, swear … [or XYZ].
Have you ever heard those type of definitive statements before? Maybe you’ve uttered those type of statements before. I have.
But life… the experience of life is teaching me to never say never, especially with things that are not within my own control. Not the easiest when, for many years, I strove to get ‘in control’ of my house, my behavior, my children, etc. What I failed to understand was that I cannot and should not be controlling my children’s every action, thought or attitude, especially once they get older and into their teen years.
When we first started to home educate I loved the lifestyle. I loved what it did for our family. I searched the Scriptures and could see how the family was the model or institution that God had designed for life long learning. In my haste and naiveté, I remember proclaiming, “Our children will never attend a school!“. Oh dear, if you know God and His nature you can well imagine the lessons He had in store to teach me. Fast forward a few years and one of my children asked to go to school… keep fast forwarding and you’ll see that she started at a private, Christian school and ended up at a public school.
In our homeschool adventure, we had learned the value of living books and the Charlotte Mason method and I recall thinking, “Oh, we will never use workbooks ever again.” Oh dear, you can see here I was headed. Fast forward a few years and the boys learned a lot through their time on ACE Paces.
Then came the upper or teen years. You know the ones where girls start noticing boys and boys start noticing girls. Well, we had read and researched all about ‘courtship’. And being that we ourselves didn’t practice ‘Christian dating’ thought it a wonderful idea. Certainly none of our children would have a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’. Surely not! Surely…. Surely? Oh dear. I think you’re starting to get the picture. 😉
Why am I so slow to understand and apply the lessons the Lord wants to teach me?
Yes, I am Susan and I’m a control freak. Actually I now think of myself as a recovering control freak. I may always have those tendencies but I’m learning to deal with them properly. I liked to think that I could control things… things which, as a Christian, seem okay to control like my children, our homeschooling, etc. But I’ve learned that my control freak tendencies grew like tendrils of a weed … seeking to climb over flowering plants and eventaully drown out the sun (or is that Son?) .
My prayer from 2007… and is still my prayers today.
It’s great that you have learned, reassessed and grown over the years Susan. My girls and I were laughing, (they were laughing at me actually) the other day at how warped a little girl might grow up is she is not allowed to wear nail polish and pierce her ears. I had some strong ideas about stuff which in the end didn’t mattered. They both saw the funny side in the fact that once they were free to make the decision they got their ears pierced….but now seldom wear anything in them and who has time to paint her nails!!!!!
Trying to major on the major issues now 🙂
Yes, that’s for sure. I used to have MANY hills on which I thought were worth dying on but I’ve now come to see that I had it wrong. Ah well, live and learn. It’s all part of the process of growth and maturity- of which I am still on. 🙂
Ruby, I had to laugh. My mother wouldn’t allow my sister or I to have our ears pierced before we were 14. We begged, pleaded (sulked a little, even!) but she was adamant. By the time we turned 14, we were so used to being different we didn’t really care anymore, but had it done just because we were finally allowed. Neither of us wear earrings 😛
Susan, I’m not sure we will ever stop second guessing/learning/adapting in the parenting role. There are a few things I feel very strongly about, but time will tell if it’s wisdom or plain doggedness driving those decisions, and if there is one thing that stays as a constant during parenting – it’s the need to be always re-accessing!
I had lunch with a friend yesterday who was heartbroken because her Year 11 daughter HATES being at the Christian School (of which my friend is a Board Member!) and wants to go to the local *undesirable* public High School. Daughter starts at the *undesirable* school next week!
I must admit Susan that I have been guilty of many of the “my children will never …” statements, and God is ever so patiently showing me that perhaps what I “want” doesn’t necessarily line up with his plans, not to mention the fact that life has a habit of not quite working out how WE want it to!
Heeeee, laughing about the ear piercing thing. I wasn’t allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 13, which I thought was absolutely ridiculous. I had second holes done at 15 (much to my mother’s disgust!), then a third later on – although I only ever wear one pair these days. My daughter, on the other hand, had hers pierced at age 4!! Is that rebellion in reverse?!!!
I am slowly learning to let go of my cherubs and give them space to fly on their own. It’s hard (for me) but very necessary for them.
Thanks for a thought provoking post.
Fee 🙂
Hi Fee, I think we’re all a little prone to the “I will never!…” statements at different seasons of life, don’t you? Ear piercing? Golly. I had eight (yes, 8) holes in one ear and 4 in the other whilst I was in high school. Nowadays I still have 2 holes per ear but barely manage to wear my one earring in each ear on any given day.
Yes letting go is necessary yet not easy… and I think the hard part is that we aren’t supposed to completely let go, especially all at once. The next hardest part is when they need to “leave and cleave”. Argh, God give me strength.
You rebel you!
Praise God for His grace!