Living with others, by grace, is not always an easy thing, is it? Oh, it’s easy when one is away at church camp or at fellowship meeting but what about when one of those other imperfect people lives with you, in your house?
Let me be honest. At times, I feel it is easier to follow rules- to live BY THE LAW and to heed whatever my Overland Park Theft Lawyer says, than to live in grace. So many times I want to establish house rules, family rules, and by golly (as I punch my fist into my hand) I WILL assert those rules. Sometimes I want to run my home as if it were a military base (and I’m not the family member in the military!). Strangely, John (the military member) is one who cannot tolerate any form of legalism…yet I sometimes find myself strangely drawn to it. I think I find safety in it. If I obey XYZ rules, then God will protect me, right? Nothing bad will happen, right? I will be blessed, right? I will be happy, free, at peace, right?
WRONG!
It doesn’t happen like that. Unless you follow popular, modern teaching of prosperity or legalism teaching (in which case, it is unconfessed sin in my life or something I haven’t done right that resulted in an unfortunate situation) which is unbiblical. Sometimes stuff just happens! For various reasons- and only God knows why. I don’t believe that’s the issue though. The issue is more “Ok Father, how would you have me live within this or through this?”
A time is coming where I want to lay down the law in my home. I want to set a set of rules and by golly, everyone (except John, of course) WILL obey. But will they obey in love…will I have their heart? In all situations is that what is important? Where do we draw the line? Where is that line that is drawn between allowing attitudes and behaviour in order to keep lines of communication open and/or protecting/guarding the others in the family? How much can a parent take, before they have to draw the line?
Sorry for the incoherent ramble. This probably doesn’t make any sense…it’s just tumbling out of my mouth and onto the screen.
I don’t know…I don’t have any answers. Do you? Any words of wisdom to impart?
Simple! Die to self… 😉 It is the only biblical answer.
ps… just to add, I have struggled with this with my children, one in particular, and add a horrid girlfriend in the mix… and I am learning that this is all that I can do. The alternative is to give in to an overwhelming urge to strangle said child and his partner. :devil:. Probably not what you are looking for in the way of wisdom, but it is my catch cry at present, lol (i.e. I must die to self)…
Ohhhh what a question?? It seems that we all including the bible’s greatest have to deal with this “demon” of legalism and balance grace in our walk!! Is it balance?? Or should we go all or one way?
Hmmm what makes me tremble is when I see someone “sitting down on the outside but standing up on the inside” What use are rules when they are only submitted to in rebellion??? But isn’t the law the schoolmaster???
The worst thing is I have talked to oldies in the Lord…..lots….about just this, hmmmmm. They say they have seen Christian families who are rigid/ strict/ and almost legalistic rearing their young, and in contrast they have seen families with grace/ freedom and liberality (and all the shades in between)…..and kids from both kinds of families rebel and turn away from God, and both kinds produce Godly kids too….
Ahhhhhhh what can you say??? What makes a Christian kid or better still what makes a kid Christian or even what makes a kid want to be a Christian??
I do not have the answers either Susan, I just fall on a BIG God and live as honestly as I can….if God can save a rebellious, feminist, permissive and promiscuous , a drunken skinhead with a shaved head, earrings, ripped stockings, wincklepickers, miniskirts and change her to me now……man surely He can deal with my kids KWIM? I speak to myself no accusation at all.
I love your passion, transparency and honesty Susan, this one thing I do know….. is that God listens to someone desperate for truth……He is close to those with a humble and contrite spirit, to those who diligently seek Him and the TRUTH of His word, He is not tease nor a liar. He will satisfy the hungry and the searching.
That’s you lady!!
Love ya, and thanks you do me good
Cathy
The answer is.. that while God gave us his Torah (His Teaching and Instruction which has been translated as Law) He also was (and is) full of Grace.. it’s not a this or that thing.. it’s both.. We need structure, and we need grace and forgiveness, and flexibility. It’s finding the balance that is difficult, a balance where things work smoothly, and where we enjoy life’s interruptions of our rhythm. I think we all tend to want to swing the pendulum way out to the other side when it seems there’s chaos in our lives.. militaristic legalism seems the answer to all out freedom.. but it’s NOT the answer.. balancing structure and flexibility.. that’s the answer.
Sombra, who’s having to be very flexible as my kitchen is going through this long renovation process.. 4 weeks and counting now..
I think Julie Bogart, on Bravewriter, said it well recently. She talked about the need for compromise but not to mistake this with capitulation..this provides the line for me, I will compromise, we are not living by law, but that doesn’t mean I will simply givne in and resent. True compromise requires grace, love, prayer, both parties together…Sorry, this is probably not helping either! 😀
Hi lovely ladies,
Thank you for listening and responding with your thoughtful responses. Oh, I was feeling a little daunted at the time of writing and although I debated on whether or not to actually post, I decided to as it is real for me at the time. What’s it all about, you might ask?
John has told me that he needs to be away for work for approximately 3 out of the next 6 months. Now, this doesn’t faze me much except in one area. And those of you who may know me in real life and know of my recent (recent as in the last 3 years) struggles with one particular child will probably guess what it is that bothers me. If not, stay tuned for the next exciting post on ‘Susan’s Screechings’. :nerd:
I do know, of course, that grace and law cannot be separated and that they are indeed, beautiful…however, living that out in the practicality of everyday life (when the milk spills over the crumbled cookie) is another matter for me. For that is walking the Word, not just spouting the Word. Know what I mean- it’s the difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. That’s where I struggle.
Hi Susan 🙂
I have no answers either. I wonder about this particular area alot.
“But will they obey in love…will I have their heart? In all situations is that what is important?”
I also wonder if it is important that they obey in love in their heart in all situations too…hmm more for me to think and pray on.
Thanks again for sharing your heart with us 🙂
Love Lusi x
Oh Susan!
Yes I can relate. I lived for years with legalism although I swore blind I wasn’t in the least bit legalistic! So many rules, so many laws that I had to live by. Then my world came tumbling down and I saw God’s Grace for the first time. What a relief!
I just love Philip Yancey’s writing. He says it all better than I ever could but that man really understands Grace~
Hi Susan,
Just when I was wondering where you were my inbox is full of your inspirational posts thank you as always.
I was reading what you wrote and thought maybe with Dh gone you are meant to have a chance to see where you really are with that DD. See where your relationship is, see if you need to be firmer or have more Grace something that is not tested when Dh is there, and especially in light of all that has happened recently.
Not sure if this is helpful but just a thought
Dear Lusi, Jacqui and Karen,
Thanks for sharing with me. Whilst it is only day 2 since dh left a lot more goes on- it never stops, it just keeps flowing on every day so I do plan to post again soon with how I’m going in it all.