I am buzzing!
Monday morning I was feeling down after jumping on the scales. I know I don’t like the scales and I don’t even do a weigh in on Monday so why did I even jump on them? That was dumb. Since then, I’ve had an epiphany of sorts, sparked by online conversations with a friend. I enable myself to fail. I allow myself to treat me badly. For some reason, I accept that this way is okay.
Even working out I have been way too soft on myself. If I do what I’ve always done, then I’ll get what I’ve always got. Exercising half heartedly is not going to get me where I want to be, is it?
Too often I make excuses for myself- in the physical and the emotional, which crosses over to real life:
Oh, I can’t coach softball this year
I’m a homeschool mum with a prodigal child- it is too much stress!
I never ‘came back’ from the knee reconstruction so I have to be careful.
I had an altering surgery 10 years ago which totally affected me…therefore I can’t exercise???
I don’t like to sweat
I don’t like to drink water
I don’t like to get puffed
Well, frankly there must be a pay-off for me somewhere. Somewhere, somehow, I must like the way I am. If I didn’t I would do something about it! What is my payoff?
I allow myself to make and live in excuses to win.
I changed that this week. When? Well, I weighed in on Monday and got real grumpy. REAL grumpy. But I decided that I can choose to be a victim or not. I can choose to allow scales or tape measures or clothes dictate how I should feel…or not! I decided to hit the bike, HARD. It felt good. Tuesday I had the funeral and it was a hard day in many ways….I got up yesterday morning and decided to hit the treadmill HARD. Nothing soft. I did. I pushed. I was pooped. But afterward I was pumped. I actually pushed myself. Wahoo! Then yesterday afternoon, I did my Lower Body Workout and pushed it. Whoohoo! I was just pumped.
Good news? Yeah I’ve got that too. We’ve decided as a family (minus one) to enter the City to Bay run! I have been trying to encourage my son’s (Master J) fitness for 12 months…but all he’s interested in is looking buff and muscly. But he just doesn’t seem to listen when I talk about cardio fitness. Well, he went to Cadets on Tuesday night and he has volunteered to run in the Fun Run for charity!!! (He’s funny like that- he wants to experience as much as he can so he tends to volunteer for anything and everything) So, we had the most educational day yesterday, talking and planning and learning AND doing. He is now committed to it. This makes me happy because I know how beneficial training of any kind can be. I believe in the power of sport and training. I don’t like much of what I see in sports today but I’m not about to throw it all out. I know that training for softball has been THE best life coach and trainer for both Miss A and myself. Now Master C wants to do the walk so it looks like John, myself, Miss A, Master J and Master C will all be doing it, God willing.
We’ve talked about goal setting and mini goals and one step at a time, etc and planning and all those things. I don’t know what has happened but I feel as though a switch has been turned on, in me.
For some reason now I am not hoping that I will achieve success in this area. I know I will. But it won’t happen just by my wishing it. I have to make it work. Which means getting up off my butt and working it. It isn’t easy. It won’t be easy but do I want it?