Being that I primarily blog for the glory of the Lord, for my own enjoyment and for my family I’m going to start relating a few stories from my past. It’s been a long time since I wrote much about my children. That is a deliberate and intentional plan. I’m really thankful that my past was not captured on the Internet. When John and I met, we had to get to know each other the old fashioned way. We spent time together, asking questions and going through the full range of emotions that arose from those discussions. I want that for my children. I don’t want my child’s prospective partner to log on to my website and find out quirky little details about the person they’re interested in. I want a partner to learn from my child that they struggled in Maths, not read it on my blog.
Sharing My Story
I want to share my story with you, not my children’s story. Their story is theirs to tell.
Juicy Scandals
You’ll just have to sign up to receive all the gossip as it is written. Seriously though, I won’t be writing much of my early childhood and certainly not my teen years as to relate it via writing would not glorify the Lord. It would be about me, me and me in grisly detail. What’s the point of that? Sin is sin is sin is sin. That’s all I need to share about it and that’s all you need to know.
Why Now?
I have felt a check in my spirit about sharing such things before yet now I feel released to do so. I wanted my children to hear things first. I didn’t want them hearing or learning my thoughts, beliefs, values and events via my blog. They are my children. They deserve to know about me before anyone else does! But these things take time. Life takes time to live.
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The beauty of the written word is that it can be held close to the heart and read over and over again
Florence Littauer
You describe having had things in your past that you wanted your children to know first, it sounds like big things regarding who you were and how you came to be the person you are today, and things that they needn’t nececarily know about until an appropriate age. Is that the right impression?
If so, how did you handle telling them about yourself? Your flaws and your life before they knew you.
I have some things in my past, and I don’t know how to handle it when children get older. I don’t want my children ever to do anything ‘just because’, but there are certain things we as a family do or don’t do with these events being the reason. There are issues I have, and my first child is too small to notice yet, but one day she will ask questions. Sometimes ‘strange’ things that she will probably think nothing of until she realises one day that it isn’t normal. A 3 year old will accept me being in bed all day once in awhile, but a 10 year old will be able to tell I’m not ill. Another thing is I use my experiences as a ministry to others, but I would hate for my child to find out something upsetting about me because one of their little friends overheard their mum and dad talking about me or something.
I’m of two schools of thought on how to handle it, and in fact I suppose in some ways it’s similar to the idea of introducing the birds and the bees. I could either let it just be part of life, and let them know what they’re old enough to know as the opportunity for discussion arises, or I could hide it and then sit down and have some big discussion when they’re of age.
I don’t know, and I suppose I’m worrying too early. It’s not something I can avoid and hide easily, nor do I want to, but I don’t want to give them more than they are ready for, I of all people understand the effect traumatic ideas and images can have on a child.
Oh Abba, you are so wise. It’s easy for me to say to you not to stress over it but you will anyway – because you care. And it is good for us to learn and keep learning- how do we speak, when do we speak , how much to say, etc.
I told a lot to my daughters about my past. In hindsight, I would not do that again. But of course, hindsight is 20/20 so what’s a mumma to do? Little bit by little bit… build your stories gradually.
Always remember that the story you tell is not always the tale that another person hears. Each person has so many filters in which to process information. Age, development, gender, environment, etc are only a few of the filters which they process the tales which we give them.
I’ve always been honest with my children but I am also slowly learning the art of timing and discretion. My honesty does not need to reveal all at once… but if they need to know, then the tale can be built upon as the years go by. I also still hold to the THINK principle- even when it comes to sharing about myself. It isn’t that I want to lie or portray something inaccurately, it’s that is may not be inspiring, necessary or kind. To what point do I share? For me, it comes back to glorifying the Lord. If He is glorified then I’ll share.
Then still, there are other things to private, too personal to be shared on the Internet… and at best only ever shared with a few people.
With regard to children… be honest but be careful. I know that some children, if and when a time of rebelliousness comes, can almost see themselves in competition with their parents. “Anything you can do, I can do better” type of thing. So, I would minimise the details as much as possible.
We don’t do ‘sleepovers’. Well, we do… the children’s friends are welcome to sleep over here but our kids don’t sleep over anyone else’s place. Yes, at times our children did not like our family rule. Tough luck. It’s our rule and we have reasons for it. No, it’s not parenting in fear, it’s protecting them and the other families. Was it easy for them to understand why we had this rule? Nope! We didn’t expect them to. Just to obey it. Later on, when they were/are older they may understand. They still may not understand until they are one day parents themselves.
As far as ministry goes… I don’t know. I an’t be of much help there. There is a lovely couple on the Internet that have openly blogged about every aspect of their marriage problems during adultery and reconciliation and even now, the struggles they face. They have a thriving ministry and God is using them for sure! But they have children… I don’t know, I really don’t know. All I can offer is that you prayerfully consider it with your husband and you both arrive at some conclusions and boundaries together.
In His Grace,
Susan
We always give an honest answer if asked by the children, but like you, build the stories over time and when appropriate share what we did, said, thought. Particularly if these events include other people who are in our lives now. There are some things one only wants their family to know about but would never blog about I try to respect my children’s privacy too but I know I have talked quite a bit about my sons in relation to education. Partly to glean ideas and partly to give ideas to others but I should be more careful. Thanks for that reminder.
Susan, I already get your updates through my reader and on Facebook so I am bound not to miss the next exciting episode!
Hi Susan, I also receive your updates on my blog and facebook. Will try to follow as much as I can! xxx
You are a wise woman Susan!
I started my blog to record some aspects of our life for my dd’s sake but now you got me thinking……I don’t share much personal stuff anyway but I’ll have to go away and think about what I should blog about.
And like Sarah, I won’t miss anything as Ive got your blog listed on my reader:)