Okay I’m scared. I’ll admit that I’m worried. I’m confused. And I’m stubborn.
We’ve only been here for 12 months. I’m not ready to leave. The children aren’t ready to leave. We have lives here- commitments, relationships. I like being back home. Yeah I know I didn’t really want to come back here a year ago but as soon as we arrived back in SA I was happy to be here.
Did I love Canberra? Yes! Didn’t want to leave.
Did I like Albury /Wodonga? Nope, not really- more than happy to leave.
Did I love Brisbane? Oh boy, did I ever!
But it’s not the point. I’m here now.
I’m not ready for the eighth house in 8 years. I’m not ready for the fourth city in 8 years. I’ll move house but I just want to stay here in this state. Ask me again in another year or two and I might feel differently but for now, I want to stay put! I’m tired of moving and uprooting the family. I’m battle weary from knowing what it does too my children when they have to leave friendships and try to start again. I mean, some people grow up in a town and live there for nearly their whole adult lives- maybe moving once! People fortunate enough to be in that situation will never experience what it is like to say goodbye and start again… and again… and again. We go to new places, trying to break into the friendship cliques that exist everywhere. We know that (generally) people are living their full, rich lives; complete without us. We know that WE need other people – yet their lives are already full- they don’t need us. It hurts and I’m so tired from it.
I don’t believe that people try to be rude…and most people aren’t at all. It’s just hard when trying to break into a group and make new friends, feeling that they share something that you don’t – history. They have a history together. Whilst we can try to get in and forge our own history with them, it’s not always easy, especially if they are aware that we’ll only be around for 12 months or 2 years. Can’t say I blame them, in one sense.
Tired of finding new doctor’s, new podiatrists, new school, new hairdresser, new optometrist, new chiropractor, etc. Even daily/weekly activities become a major event as I have to find the place and navigate there. I’m sick of it. I don’t wanna go anywhere!
This is my official ‘online’ temper tantrum. Believe me, you do not want to see my ‘real life’ tantrum.