Last week Sheila introduced the idea that women, being relational and emotional, often need to talk before moving on to *other things*.
I can totally relate to the imaginary story she wrote about- thinking of milk and cleaning the fridge. Why I don’t even like cleaning the fridge yet it has been known to spring to mind! One thing that I’ve learned is that whilst we both have different needs and different ways of expressing ourselves there is a time for both. There are times when we have been separated due to work and, being a woman, I needed to connect with my husband in an emotional way before anything else. However this was not quite how he felt! I’ve learned that this isn’t wrong. he isn’t treating me as an object rather it is his way of connecting with me. For me, emotional connectedness and relating ideally come before any physical intimacy yet this is not often the case for males. By having an attitude of serving and giving I’ve found that both our needs can be met- just not at the same time. When a husband has a similar attitude then it’s likely that he’ll reach the same premise. It’s quite logical to accept that emotional and physical connection doesn’t happen at the same time. The circumstances often dictate which happens first but I’ve found that it’s quite possible for both needs to be met.
They key, for us, is to each look to the needs of each other first and have an Ephesians 5 mindset.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife , and the two shall become one flesh . This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
I am putting more emphasis upon our mariage as our children get older. Whilst not wishing the time to pass quickly until they leave home, I am aware that one day the children will have left the nest and be out in the world- leaving just John and I. I look forward to that time but don’t want to be like many marriages that fall apart once the children have left, simply because the couple forgot how to communicate and got on with living their own lives, neglecting the importance of togetherness. As regular readers know, when I focus on an area in my life it is bound to show up on my blog. 🙂