It’s been 16 and a half years since Mum passed away. I visited my Mum’s grave last week. And as happened in the past I got angry and frustrated. With myself. I don’t believe she is in the grave. Her body is but her soul has crossed from this earth and this time to that of eternity. I don’t see why the burial plot should hold significance for me. I don’t see why it has emotions tied to it. Right?
But it does.
And that frustrates me. Why do I get sad and upset and emotional when visiting her grave, even though I know she’s not there? I know that grief isn’t wrapped up in neat little bundles… that it manifests itself in many different ways and at all sorts of odd times. Yet I can’t seem to accept this for myself. My reasoning says I shouldn’t be emotional but I am. The real part of me knows that it is normal to feel like this yet on the same hand I am frustrated that I do. Am I denying my emotions?
Humans… Were a weird mob.
Susan
Hi Susan,
I am late to this, and don’t really have any wisdom to share, not being in the position myself. What I know is that grief is long lasting, and doesn’t have to be rational. We lost a close friend of my husband 10 years ago in negative circumstances, and the repercussions were lasting. My husband is quite rational, not an emotionally bare person but the grief and the effects of this loss have been deep. His reminiscing also can just happen. Something can just remind him.
Considering your mum, and knowing how music, smell, etc can unexpectedly trigger emotions I am not surprised that visiting her grave would do that. There is no condemnation, Praise the Lord, and don’t overanalyse your response I guess is my reaction. Don’t berate yourself over it, just say that it happened and treasure and dwell on good memories. Importantly give yourself the grace you would extend to someone else and be kind to yourself
Love Angie