One week down only five more weeks to go.
The house is clean, tidy and everything has a place and (here’s the real miracle) everything is actually in its place! A few weeks ago, my dad visited and stayed with us for 3 weeks. During that time Damian also popped over and stayed for a few nights. So in this fairly small house that barely fits six of us, there were 8 people! Chaotic, unruly, disorganised…doesn’t even begin to describe it. Now, however it is clean and tidy. But missing many people. My dad and Damian went home. John has gone to Victoria for a 6 week course and Miss R is not at home.
Our tidy, clean lounge room
It’s quiet, too quiet. It’s clean; too clean. I’m reminded of that saying: When something seems too good to be true, it usually is. There are only four of us in the house. No wonder it’s clean!
I have nothing to write! Well, that’s not exactly true. I have a mind that is overwhelmed with thoughts, ideas and questions but nothing fit for public web consumption. I’m not feeling terribly encouraged in anything at the moment…so it’s probably best for me to be quiet during such times. I become cynical when I read many of the popular parenting blogs or articles. I just don’t have the joy, joy, joy deep in my heart at the moment like so many others do. I don’t have a husband who does everything for me- housework, yardwork, finances, cooking, etc while I sit at the table and instruct the children in the ways of the Lord. I just don’t have perfect children who hardly ever need guidance and correction.
Now I love my husband and my children very much…and in reality I’m not complaining about them or my lot in life. I am speaking about how I feel when I read too many books or blogs where everyone else life seems so perfect and hunky dory…where a post isn’t written without one quoting Scripture that apparently ties in with the theme. Pffftt! Don’t give me a throw away line from the Bible. Tell me what it really means to you. Tell me what you learned from it or how it impacted your life. Don’t just shove it in at the end of a post and think that you’ve written an encouraging blog post! Sometimes I wonder if some Christians aren’t so overly spiritual that they’re of no earthly use!
Yes I do have joy- deep seated joy at knowing I have been given eternal life with the Father God…but that isn’t the same as being happy, happy, happy in everyday circumstances. Is it?
Hmm, I’m frustrated. With life. My life. I want to meet more people. I want to serve people. I want to have relationships, more relationships. I think I’m hungry…hungry for true fellowship – giving and receiving.
What am I doing with my life? With my time? What will stay and be remembered or what will have impacted people long after I’m gone? My blog? AussieHomeschool? A book? A clean house?
Another angle
Argh, I’m longing for some adult conversation…I usually talk with John. He is my best friend, my lover, confidante and my play-mate. If you’ve ever seen us work on our computers together you’ll know what I mean by play-mate. But you can see why I need adult conversation- to mull over the thoughts in my head. John isn’t here so I’ll blog it, which isn’t as good but it will have to do. Maybe short, rambly, incoherent posts that show the maniacal thoughts of a Christian homeschool mum will still be able to give glory to God, in a small way…even if there is not a scripture quote splattered at the end or lovely pictures of well behaved and immaculately dressed children accompanying every post. 😉
Hey Susan…..phew, glad that I’m not the only one who experiences chaotioc moments in life. Hey but that’s part of the journey, I remind myself that we are not home yet, so keep on keeping on through the valley, up the mountain and towards the river. We are now officially on school holidays..yay, hopefully I will be able to utilse the time and organise my library, I have books all over the place, lot’s of art from the children that i need to put into scrap books, and I really need to get to under those beds…lol! Where heading out now for a bush walk to enjoy some fresh air and lovely sunshine!
Thanks for your open and honest chat!
Cheers
Love Sarah xxx
whoops…we’re not ‘where’…lol
Oh Susan
“Don’t give me a throw away line from the Bible. Tell me what it really means to you. Tell me what you learned from it or how it impacted your life. Don’t just shove it in at the end of a post and think that you’ve written an encouraging blog post! Sometimes I wonder if some Christians aren’t so overly spiritual that they’re of no earthly use!”
Yes yes guilty guilty as charged!!
You (I am generalising here) must be a brave person to admit that weakness and frustration are part of everyday Christian life….Craig Hill speaks about sin and probs that are just stuffed “under the cork” (picture of waiting to explode kinda thing) and not truly under the blood and dealt with properly!! Brave? Why? The walk of faith? The living right thing??
I reckon we live in a realm of unreality sometimes in the Christian circles…..however faith and the spiritual lends and errs on the side of “unreality” at times (from the unbelievers perspective anyway!!) We are on a tightrope baby!! Where do we let go of the real world and embrace the world of faith……dunno…….I think it is diff for everyone too, We gotta walk/ believe / live where God tells us too. Diff levels diff dynamics.
There is a quote by Shakespeare “This above all: to thine own self be true” I think that this is a reality……you gotta be true to you….this is a constant Christian or not, fake Christian or not, pretending Christian too??
When there is a untruth there is unreality, and a falseness/ fakeness……somehow there needs to be a balance between truth and Christian reality.
Keep your spirit sweet, no bitter roots, eyes on Jesus not on others…….I speak to myself not just you! I am thinking so much about you…..circumstances are hard, but not impossible yet??@@@!!@@^^&& No bloodshed yet???
In your weakness He is strong, praying for you and lifting the arms that hang down…..you cyber friend Cathy
I think the use of Blogs may be therapeutic for those apparently perfect looking Christian families. Perhaps the only place where they can hit the ‘edit’ button. We can control how our blogs look but real life is usually vastly different to what we portray.
I am a little over pouring my heart out into my blog… as what I have to say would cause me to be too vulnerable to those of whom I don’t wish to be naked before. Hence, lots of photos as of late.
Well, sounds like you don’t want the throw away scripture verse. I’ll give you one though and tell you what it means to me.
“But Godliness with contentment is great gain…”
I don’t think it’s all about joy, joy, joy or even happiness. That’s unrealistic in our fallen human world. It is about that deep abiding assurence that it is well with your soul.
I get the guilts at the perfect homeschool blogs and magazines with tidy, rustic houses and children (many) dressed in matching outfits attaining unbelievably high academic scores and performing accomplished performances at national level in all manner of music, academics, spelling and sport. Phew…give us a break!
You know, secretly, I think that would be a rather dull, boring life. My home is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. My kids are chugging along at their own level. I have adult children who are not walking with the Lord.
All these things keep us on our knees.
Keep up the good work.( I love to read realistic blog posts.)
Thanks Sarah, for stopping by my site. I notice you are really getting around the AH blogs and it’s fantastic!
Thank you dear Cathy, yes there is a balance between truth and Christian reality and I believe it’s found in Him, but sometimes, in the midst of potholes and muck we lose sight of it eh? Thanks for your encouragement. 🙂
Hiya Amanda, yep for sure. tehee, my site looks quite like my real life- never perfect, a work in progress, patchy, full of holes, inconsistent yet hopefully others see it pointing toward the gospel of Christ- in good times and in bad.
Ah Ruby: Thanks! Actually I’m with you- give us a break! However we differ in that I don’t get the ‘guilts’ I now get quite angry…Angry at how I now others can be affected by it all and the pressure and even bondage that some get themselves into because of this insane striving towards perfection. (When true perfection only comes from and through God, not of our works or efforts to control everything). But I guess I’ll get over it and continue to speak out against it- maybe one day, some dear woman will hear the words and not feel compelled to join the current’ ‘popular hs mythology’.
Thanks all 🙂
I hear you on the adult interaction Susan. Even though your kids are much closer to being adults than mine are, it is not the same. I need that adult interaction and that (sometimes) intense, God-given need is a major contributor to my struggles (not that God makes me sin! Let’s just get that bit clear LOL).
Now, if only my loneliness drove me to clean the house…
Thanks for the reminder not feel guilty.
I think most of the time I don’t, especially in comparison to the above mentioned examples.
Any mums who have children who are strugggling with the basics will identify with that feeling though, of wondering, not so much whether it’s the right thing, which I am convicted of, But where to go next. That’s when one can get a little overwhelmed by what others appear to do doing.:0)
Have a great day all!
Hi Ruby,
Oh yes, I know that feeling…not comparison with the ‘perfect family’ even but just because my 10yo child may not be reading or is still struggling with handwriting or basic maths [insert relevant concept here]. But I am comforted by the fact that God is The Master Chef and He has a plan for all of us, our children included. And I’m seeing that lived out as I observe and parent our 18yodd. Teaching learning skills is far more beneficial than trying to teach every concept.
Blessings,
Oh, a big hug for you! I know that starvation feeling! Sometimes by the time I get to see my Amy friend I am just about ready to EAT HER UP because I so needed to have a real conversation with a real person, and see her facial expressions, hug her self, hear her laugh, eat biscuits with her…
The little bundle of ladies I meet with in the park are what keeps me sane from week to week. If we miss a week or two because of school holidays we are all desperate to get together again. I know as the children get older, schedules become more hectic (this is just starting for me – can’t say I like it!) but I imagine it would take a lot to make me give that particular activity. Those ladies are like church for me! (I do go to church, but the park ladies all love each other, help each other, sharpen each other and… just be what is lovely and good!)
I don’t (honestly) know how you get by without meeting up regularly with other homeschoolers. I know that not just any homeschoolers will do: I have been in hot water socially more times than I can count for saying our little group is invitation only 😛 But Oh, Susan, why don’t you organize a coffee night for homeschoolers in your area and find the nice ones, lol!
‘Round here there are coffee nights roughly by terms, and just mothers, or mothers and teenagers (who all go to some other part of the restaurant and yabber among themselves) go along for purely social reasons. I know it takes a while to get to know people just meeting occasionally, but with a bunch of desperate women together, it kind of fast tracks the process 😉
Anyway, I didn’t mean to write a whole post in your comments!
xx
Oh I don’t mind your posts in my comments 🙂
It isn’t so much homeschool mums that I miss, nor even adults really. I’ve realised that I miss my hubby. Whilst I can talk to my eldest daughter, and that is much like talking to another sister in the Lord, she is also my daughter. There are things that I want/need to process in my mind that I wouldn’t discuss with her only because I would hate to see her stumble because of something I’ve said in my ‘need to process’. Does that make any sense? Whereas I can waffle on and on with John: I’m not even sure he really listens half the time but he has learned that talking is how I process information, thoughts and ideas: he is older and more mature in God. My daughter isn’t.
Having said that, I don’t know why I don’t. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I’m lazy. I know I used to be the one who did all the organising of such things…and now I don’t even attend any! I have a gut feeling of why I’ve developed this way…but it’s not a good enough excuse.
Thanks lovely ladies!